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Antiwork

Help yourself

This happened at our office Christmas party in our Scottish HQ, some years ago when parties were normal. The big boss had thoughtfully laid out a bottle of 20-year-old malt whisky with some plastic cups and a note saying “HELP YOURSELF”. Big mistake. Before long, the entire bottle had vanished. Understandably, a lot of people who hadn't yet sampled the boss's largesse got very upset, and the boss himself had to stop the music for an announcement. Boss: “I know the note by the Scotch said 'help yourself', but I really didn't mean for that to imply 'help yourself to the whole bottle'. There are guests here who just want to enjoy themselves, so if the person who swiped the bottle will just own up and put it it back, I promise nothing more will be said and we can all treat it as a practical joke”. Silence. Boss: “Seriously,…


This happened at our office Christmas party in our Scottish HQ, some years ago when parties were normal.

The big boss had thoughtfully laid out a bottle of 20-year-old malt whisky with some plastic cups and a note saying “HELP YOURSELF”.

Big mistake. Before long, the entire bottle had vanished. Understandably, a lot of people who hadn't yet sampled the boss's largesse got very upset, and the boss himself had to stop the music for an announcement.

Boss: “I know the note by the Scotch said 'help yourself', but I really didn't mean for that to imply 'help yourself to the whole bottle'. There are guests here who just want to enjoy themselves, so if the person who swiped the bottle will just own up and put it it back, I promise nothing more will be said and we can all treat it as a practical joke”.

Silence.

Boss: “Seriously, we just want the Scotch back. If it appears right now, fine; otherwise there will be repercussions.”

Still a very uncomfortable silence.

Boss: “Fine. Jim, you're fired.”

Jim: “Wait, what? What makes you think I took it?”

Boss: “We got you on CCTV.”

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