I hope this is the right place. I just have to have some like minded people hear me.
I’ve always been smart but was never pushed. As a kid I was left to do whatever and eventually lazied my way to dropping out of high school. But one day I met my now wife and pushed myself to get my GED with honors (was a straight D- student my whole life until then). I went to community college and was instantly a 4.0, Dean's list, national honor's society, the works. I founded a club too. But I wasn't getting a mechanics or nursing degree or whatever so there was strike one. I worked on a theatre company my parents actually helped found too (what privilege, am I right). Took some time off after getting my associates but could only find the worst retail jobs.
By the time I was deciding whether or not to continue my education, I moved off to another state because of a family emergency. Again, only the worst retail or postmates. Eventually I found an overnight, 13 hour, 6 days a week warehouse job that put my arthritic joints in such agony I cried on the job multiple times. But my wife finally got a job oversees as a teacher (the goal that made me question whether or not to continue with my education since I didn't wanna start a degree and have to leave the country). We got there right when covid hit. I took a couple months to enjoy our success and rest and then tried applying for jobs. Wouldn't you know it though, no work for only an associates. So I went back to school online and am going to be finishing my degree. I worked my ass off to get it a year early by doing a 30,000 word Prior Learning Assessment Portfolio to test out of 9 classes. But guess what? Still no work.
I’m just at the end of my rope. Every day I stare at the screen and hit apply apply apply. But what comes of it? Nothing. I've sent out literally hundreds of resumes and only gotten back “we don't employ outside the US”, “we can only pay you tree fity”, “unfortunatelyunfortunatelyunfortunately if i see the word unfortunately one more time”. Maybe I just suck at applying, but I literally copied templates from successful people and one of the only interviews I got from a very successful woman who owns a global company said I have a very impressive resume, then still went with someone else. She even loved me in the interview! I can’t get anything, I try applying for everything but nothing. Maybe it’s because a lot of my not temporary experience is in theater and film but you’d think I’d at least be able to get a basic remote office job or SOMETHING. I worked up to an associate producer right under my CEO parents (such privilege again but I swear to God I truly did work my ass off to earn what was handed to me) But no. Still just unfortunately. It truly makes me feel like an abject failure. I don’t want to sound arrogant but it hurts me to my deepest core that I was smart enough to go from D- rather than an F out of pity in grade school to national honor’s society but I just can’t make it work. I’ve worked my fingers to the bone for that theatre company be nominated for and win awards, was nominated for and won one myself, I taught myself video editing, somehow I made it all work for me in my life but at the end of the day, it feels like nothing since I’m getting no money… I hate this system so much.