So, review season is coming up for me (41f). Historically, this is approximately a month of panic and stress leading up to D-Day, as my review itself is inevitably so hostile and demeaning that I leave in tears, despite a lot of mental preparation.
Some backstory; this is my fourth year at a multi-partner firm. These guys are old-school boomer stock; they typically will take note of any mistakes without bothering to communicae about them in real time so I can remedy the issue, or else they will speak down to me in derogatory tones, using super belittling language. I am vastly undervalued.
My job is a symphony of details. I act in a support capacity, and have 11 people asking me for things daily, from quick tasks to major projects. I have a very methodical and exhaustive organizational system, which has cut down on mistakes, but I still drop the ball on occasion. I will NEVER get any acknowledgment for keeping 100 balls in the air, but as soon as one falls, I am dressed down like an inept military recruit.
Mostly, it's one particular partner that treats me like an absolute idiot. I do my best to implement new procedures and take mistakes in stride, but the way this man speaks to me is downright insulting. Last year, he led the review with, “we like having you at the front desk, you have a good face for the clients to see when they come in”, and that was 100% of the positives. He then led the partners in a dress down, bullet point list of fuckups that I was not given the chance to explain, redress, or research to see what had happened or why. Many of these were “mistakes” that actually had nothing to do with me, but since they do not communicate about them when they happen, I can't explain or defend my stance.
The first time I got upset and attempted to explain what happened, they told me that defensiveness makes me look bad. I think they are seeking the “yes, Master” attitude, and want me to bow, scrape, and placate. With this current job market, the whole vibe is so suspect, and I want to tell them they simply cannot operate like this in society anymore. As if that would change things, I know.
My question is; how do I tell them that I refuse to be spoken to this way? I understand that mistakes need correction, and I do my best to avoid them in the future by implementing best practices, but the dehumanizing, condescending tone and language makes me want to burn this bridge so badly. I want to stay here because the work is fine and the pay is fine, and I hate starting new gigs, but not if they keep this up. A big part of me wants to say “clearly I am not proving to be a good fit for you” and quit. The thing is, if I left, all those balls I have in the air? Chaos would ensue. I really don't want to have a 4 year gap in my resume from bonfiring this bridge, but I am at a breaking point.