I could start the new life I want at a new city away from my abusive environment and toxic place. But I need a job first. My life depends on a job. Employers have the key top get me what I want and after hundreds of rejections, the likeliness of living the life of my dreams diminishes.
I'm a 24 year old with borderline personality disorder, ADHD and anxiety disorder. I have been trying to move to another state since last year but I can't find a job so I can move. I have been unemployed since January of this year. I need to escape this abusive family before I hit a mental collapse and do something stupid, which I have done a lot since January. I cannot take it anymore. And i cant do this alone anymore. I have tried everything to move and everything to get hired and NOTHING happens.
I can't keep having suicide attempts and being abused. I need a fresh start. Clearly getting rejected from jobs and not having a support network isnt helping me and it's making me struggle with sobriety. Each job rejection pushes me deeper into wanting to drink to death. I have attempted suicide over 3 times since January. My plan is to become alcoholic on purpose so I can be eligible for those free rehab residential programs. I will apply to one in another state so I can have a place to live and have professionals help me get back on my feet. Its the only way I can get housing and support without first finding a job because no one wants me
I didn't want it to end this way