I've made mistakes out the ass at work. I can barely walk in the door without wanting to vomit. My values aren't shared by the corporate bureaucracy of the system. My life feels like it's spinning in the mud of monotony!
The worst part is the challenge. There is none. Zero challenge creates repetitive routines you must endure to complete the work. Issues arise when you take into account that human error increases with boredom and dissatisfaction – both of which I have in spades! Fucking spades!
I'm beyond happy I'm going to be leaving in a few months with a career change, but hot damn is it sad to see myself hurting and making mistakes. The simplicity of the challenge coupled with the failure of said challenge is what stings. I'm smart. I'm intelligent enough to perform the tasks, yet I'm making error after error because I'm numb.
Numbness has crushed my soul. I have to listen to podcasts, music, videos, and so much more just to keep myself from being so depressed. I'm fighting off the need to not get in trouble and wrote up, with the need to not want to curl up into a ball and cry.
I'm tired… I'm so so tired and I just want to be happy.. .