I keep telling my grandma I'm just having a burnout because it's the best way I can explain to her that I'm just too fucking tired to keep doing this shit.
I'm not burnt out from working. I'm just tired of work culture. I'm sick of being nothing, and being forced to be unhappy.
I'm sick of going into a job dreading it. I want to love the places I work. I want to be friends with my coworkers. I want to have a reason to wake up early and start my day at 7 am. But I just can't mentally make myself go to another fucking job again. I want to make art for a living. But for now I have to work these shitty “9-5s” (except they're usually more like 10-7 but whatever). I'm sick of these companies taking my entire day from me, just to treat me like garbage. Take credit for my ideas, tell me I'm the one not doing enough when that place would crumble for the day if I just decided I didn't want to come in.
I'm sick of getting spit on by customers, and then by middle management, and then again from higher ups. I am so tired of feeling like a number. I'm sick of being an employee ID number. Why should I have to give up 1/3rd of my time, my most finite resource that I can never get back, bending over backwards, just for the employee I trained to get the promotion, and I get told that I “missed a spot” WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED CLEANING THE COUNTER YET.
All of that to still not be able to pay rent. Is it so much that I ask to be happy in both my work life and my personal life? Because right now with the current work culture I can't do either. I know the obvious answer is “just get another job that treats you well.” I did that. They only treat you “better” for so long until they get used to you being there. And I want everyone else to have better, too. My coworkers are real people that deserve the same happiness I want.
idk what the point was of this. I think I just needed to get it out there.