A bit of a rant while I'm coming down from drinking tonight. Not really sure if it's allowed, I just don't really care anymore. I'm tired. Of everything. I had a burnout last year. I don't want to be part of this society anymore, where working to stay alive is normalized. No one I know understands what I am talking about when I explain what the ideals are. It's not that bad over here, there's lots of benefits to working. But I still feel like it's a waste. Am I indoctrinated? My brother said I was describing a utopia. I feel bad. I just want to live without worries and having to waste more than half of it to make money so I can live. I'm going to university soon because I want to go do something I am fascinated before everything starts going to shit with climate change and the like. Am I wrong? I'm so confused. Maybe I'm overthinking. I wish I wasn't born into this society. Sometimes I wish I don't wake up when I go to sleep. Not so much nowadays tho, since I decide to go to university and study philosophy. I feel so lost though. I hope I find some purpose in life. Every day I doubt about what to do or if it is the right thing. I hate it, I hate the uncertainty. I just want to be without worry. I want to enjoy the time I've been given in the existence I had no choice in but even that isn't really in my hands. I hope I can turn things around and find something worth living for. It's been hard for me. Again I'm sorry for doing this here, I just felt like this was the most convenient place to post it. I don't know anymore. I'm just gonna focus on ehat interests me and hope I can somehow give some kind of positivity back to humanity someday. I hope you are having a better time than I am. Goodnight. I hope this stream of consciousness wasn't too infuriating.