I'm a mexican 20yo civil engineering student in 3rd year out of my 5year career, and I get too many anxiety attacks related with work issues.
I teach english twice a week and get enough to pay college only.
My parents help me but I hate being so dependant on them.
I've worked at many places but any period of time I am required to work for 25+ hours a week has made me fall into deep depression. This has always been the case and it terrifies me everytime I look for a new job to think that I might get to feel like that again, hence I end up sabotaging myself in order to not get a job.
And on the other hand, my online classes are some of the most pathetic attempts at teaching I've ever seen, and it's crystal clear that if I want to learn anything about my carrer the best thing is to work on a very low wage work, because students don't get payed as much as a graduate… seeing many friends and classmates already doing so… this all makes me feel worthless and useless.
So, it seems to me that the only two options are to be anxiously unemployed, or depressed and working. How do I find a job that's not trash, where I can still live my life and not feel so deeply conflicted?