I (F28) have been working as an admin for the IT department for over two years. I handled all the software renewals for the department, all the bills for hardware and internet (15+ offices, 600 employees, not counting employees that don’t need IT gear). Before I started, my manager told me that they would frequently go into arrears on internet services and get disconnected at a few offices because there was no one tracking the monthly bills. I did all the internal IT triage. Phone calls, emails, walk-ins. Shipping & receiving. A lot of small stuff. Some big stuff, like department budgeting.
I had an objectively good morning. Took the dogs for a nice walk, played around with some new makeup I got the night before. I decided to dress up a little because I figured I may as well if I’m going to wear nice makeup.
I walk in to the IT space and no one is there. I needed to use my keycard to get in, because the door is locked if no one from the team is present. No big deal. There are usually on 2-3 people when I get in, maybe they had to go help people. There are laptops on my desk, and the first thing I do is start getting them prepped for shipping.
The HR director walks in, I say hi, assuming he needs some help. My manager walks in after holding some paperwork. I get that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, the one where you know what’s going to happen before either of them say anything. My manager started to tell me that he was sorry, and I just started crying.
I put my keycard on my desk, took the paperwork from him, and just left. I forgot my lunch bag in the fridge and I don’t really want to go back for it. Im pretty sure I forgot other things too, but I don’t care. It’s nothing. Hand cream, sanitizer.
I don’t think I said a single word to either of them, aside from saying I would be fine when the HR Director asked if I was OK to drive.
I did a good job. The CFO of the company even had me tracking critical payments for other departments (Job compliance, mostly. If they don’t get paid on time, work immediately halts and the company stops making money). I had a yearly review in December, and I got marked as Exceeds Expectations for 2/5 categories even after my manager told me as a rule he usually doesn’t give that kind of feedback.
I know the company wasn’t doing well financially. They had been laying people off in other departments, but I honestly didn’t think I would be let go. My manager was always extremely positive about my work, and said I did a good job. I got 4 weeks of severance, which is generous considering I’ve only been there for two years.
I just feel lost. I’m 28, and this had been the first time Ive ever had a job that I felt I was really good at. I knew what I was doing, and I did it well. I wanted to stay with the company for a long time, because I really liked the people I worked with. I’m not worried about finding another job. I’m just worried about being at a job I hate.
PS. If my boyfriend finds this, I know you told me to just relax today and not think about it, but I want to vent.