I 24F graduated college in 2020. Started my first full-time job right after and stayed for a year and half – I despised every second of it. I was so stressed at that job, I cried multiple times a week. I started therapy a few months in to try and learn some coping skills to be less miserable and anxious.
7 months ago I started a new job that I thought was finally going to be the solution, and would finally improve my life. At first it did – they didn't put too much on my plate in my first two months, so I was able to work without feeling like I was drowning. I got a taste of what life was like without being miserable at work and it was incredible. After those first few months, I started to drown. I tried to be vocal about when I didn't have the “bandwidth” – and learned quickly that this is an admission of weakness here, and is a mark against your performance. I'm also very literal – I do what I'm told. Apparently I'm supposed to go above and beyond and read minds – doing what you're asked to do isn't enough. I went from a job where I was stressed but at least good at it, to a job where I can't keep up and feel like an idiot every day, because I have no idea how to play the corporate mental game.
SoI don't know what's next. I could look for a new job, but according to this subreddit and a lot of the internet – all corporate jobs are like this. So I can go to a lower-paying job with less stress (not me saying low pay = low stress, I'm saying the jobs I can name that I would find less stressful all happen to be low pay). But then I can't afford to live by myself because rent for a studio or one bedroom is insane in my city and I don't want to leave – but having a roommate would also be shitty for my mental health since I need my space very badly (it's the only thing that gets me through the work day, knowing I'm coming home to my own place).
So idk. Is this it? Do I have to choose between low stress or being able to afford the life I want to live? It doesn't seem like there's a real solution here. Sometimes I think ending my life would be easier. (Which I will not actually do. I just feel at peace when I think about ending everything and not having to feel stressed anymore).
Sorry if I sound like a brat. I understand there are people in far worse situations than me and I want to emphasize that I am not looking for sympathy because most people are in the same situation or far worse. I mainly just need to vent since I'm sitting here crying while my cat is looking at me like I'm a freak.