I have officially made it into my country's employment list for people with disabilities. And I feel so ASHAMED.
I'm only officially diagnosed with slight autism spectrum disorder. But that can encompass many other things. On my diagnoses report there is the obvious note that I have high anxiety and I'm taking meds for clinical depression. I have bad deficits in math/numerical concepts as well as one of the two main languages in my country. No matter how hard I try at any job I'm a scatterbrain, cannot cope with a lot of multi-tasking and somehow always forget important things or instructions. I'm awkward in general and stress makes me even more awkward. I've spent the majority of my life with no friends, and these days it's more of a choice as I don't feel confident with people because I'm out of work and don't do anything meaningful.
I've been through like 7 jobs of various length and performed badly in each of them and was reprimanded by supervisors and colleagues. I have propelled myself through 60-hour weeks because I thought the money, experience and sense of fulfilment would satisfy me, and at the same time I had 2 breakdowns in 2 separate jobs where I left after 2-3 shifts. I have a university degree that focuses on interacting with people all the time, and I have 0 confidence for that line of work.
And so I'm on the list. A lot of people, including the gatekeepers/assessors are surprised by the initial impression that I'm 'high functioning'. Yeah that's been a thing for my whole life: Everyone assumes that I'm 'high functioning'/I'm completely normal until it turns out that I'm not, that I'm autistic and have a lot of deficits that make me non-functional in the real world.
I'm hoping that the program offers me regular work that doesn't destroy my self-confidence, no matter how bad the pay. Then maybe I can focus on building towards a career in content creation/editing from square 1.