I started working in the funeral home business almost 2 years ago. I have been going to school to become a director and I’m literally a month and a half from graduating.
I’m discovering that I’m not as into this as I thought I would be and I’m not as good at it as I thought I would be. The only thing I’m really good at is prepping the bodies but I suck at talking to (living) people.
But really what I hate the most is that it’s STILL A JOB. I have been working some full-time job or another for the past ~15 years. Sick of being the boss’s bitch boy waiting on their every beck and call. I’m sick of having to “be there on time” and having to wait till it’s “time to leave”.
I hate that. Just like any other job, I am put in a position where I just have to say yes and go along with whatever the boss says. I want freedom and autonomy. I want to work as much or as little as I see fit on any particular day.
I am a very driven and motivated, hard working, detail-oriented individual. I put in the time and relentless effort into my work. I love to work, honestly. Working gives me satisfaction and pride. I just don’t want to do it on other people’s terms anymore.
I don’t want to have to “request vacation” or have to go into work when I’m not feeling like it or else be looked down on by the boss and coworkers for taking a day off.
Because even if I have so much going on in life and am so overwhelmed with everything, I still go to work if I am scheduled, because I’m tied to to the job. Even if I’m ACTUALLY SICK I still go to work because that’s just what they (and pretty much every other employer I’ve ever worked for) expect. All employers want an employee who never takes a sick day, is never late, and never leaves early.
I want to make my money on my own time on my own terms and not have to answer to anyone ever again.
All week long my kids have been on snow days and I have to go to work and my wife has to go to work and the kids just have to stay home by themselves all day and that just doesn’t feel right.
Just today, my wife was taking our one daughter to gymnastics and I was working late and our other kids were at home and they were having a snowball fight in the backyard and our youngest got hit in the face with a snowball with a big piece of ice in it and he was bleeding and I wished so badly I could leave to make sure he was ok but I couldn’t leave because I was the only one there and I signed up to do it and this is the one and only visitation for somebody’s FATHER who DIED. I just stayed at work, but honestly I felt like a POS for not coming right home and attending to my son. But if I would have left that would have also kind been a POS move to just dip out on somebody’s visitation when i committed to it.
Our son is okay but it could have been much worse. I feel like I should be around and fully available for the kids. I also want to able to stay up or go to sleep if I please. If I’m tired, I want to be able to just take a nap. If I feel like sleeping in, I want to be able to just do it without any worry, guilt, or pressure. I want to be able to go to some school functions to support the kids every once in a while. I don’t want to miss another soccer or basketball game or gymnastics event or spelling bee because I had to work.
It was my moms birthday a few days ago and we’re putting on a party for her and it’s going to be a pretty major event. I told my employer that I am planning to go to it and they’re guilting me for feeling important about going to it because we have stuff going on. Saying things like “do you have any idea how many things I’ve had to miss out on because of this job?”
I put my foot down and said I simply can’t not go. In what world should somebody be made to feel guilty for going to their mom’s birthday party? The working world, that’s what.
If I skipped the party, I would carry the guilt of that much longer and much heavier than I would the guilt of not being a good little worker boy and going to work.
I’ve been dumpster diving and selling the stuff I find on eBay and fb marketplace as my little “side hustle” and I’ve done pretty well. The problem is, I don’t have the time to do it that much because I’m so consumed by work and school.
I feel like I should just finish up school since I’m so close to being done, get my degree and my license, and then quit my job and change gears and just see what happens. If it doesn’t work out, I can go back into the funeral business as a licensed director. But I really just don’t want to be somebody’s employee. Also don’t want to be someone’s boss. I just want to mind my own business and take care of myself and my family and enjoy this short time on earth I’ve got.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the funeral business it’s the fragility of life. You just never know when you’re going to get cursed with some terminal illness or get into a car crash or whatever. Do I really want to have to spend most of my life waking up to an alarm and making sure I get to bed on time to get enough sleep to wake up to an alarm again and have to sometimes work when I’m super tired?
I find dumpster diving engaging and fun. I also find embalming to be engaging and fun in its own way but the problem is that I don’t get to choose when I do it. I want my work to work around MY schedule, not the other way around.
If I just went full-time dumpster diver eBay seller then it would all revolve around my own convenience. I could go where I want, when i want, and work as much as I needed to. Really the only work-related timeframe that I would have to adhere to would be getting things shipped out on time after they sold.