Today, I handed in my 3 week's notice to the job that made me so stressed I got health problems. I'll be working at a job where they hired me right at the end of my interview, for significantly higher pay and a higher role. Everyone in my life is congratulating me.
I've been crying since I got home.
The curriculum I developed at my soon-to-be-ex job was something I poured my heart and soul into. I love nature, I loved getting to manage a garden, I love teaching kids about the world around them! I loved getting to play a big role in the community. I loved the kids.
My one manager said it was “inevitable that someone as talented as [me]” would want to leave the organization in search of bigger things. But it really wasn't. I could've done this job forever. It's been the stress and disorganization and, frankly, the bullying (thanks other manager!) that broke me down.
The kids'll miss me. The organization (even the bits of it that bullied me) is gonna miss me. The plants will miss me; I get sad knowing a bunch of them will probably die without my care. Getting a “better job” doesn't feel like a victory, and I can't explain that to the people congratulating me.
It's partly guilt, but not just that. I want to live in a world where I didn't have to get a better job to keep living :c
(i'm gonna go bake some cookies now and hopefully I'll feel better!)