Tw: mental health crisis
I just sent in an immediate resignation email to my attorney and the closest thing we have to an office manager sighting health reasons for leaving.
Mental health is the true reason. I'm a new paralegal (only 4 months in) after being a receptionist at a much smaller firm in a different state.
They claimed to want to hire someone with no experince and that was me. I see now that it's so they can pay below average salaries, give extremely unique benefits (think gym memberships) to distract from that, and burn out their employees who won't know any better.
My attorney didn't have the time to train me properly in the four months I was there, the more senior paralegal grew increasingly frustrated with my questions, and I had a caseload close to seventy without the understanding of how to assist to get them to the point of mediation or filing
I've had my mental health in control for years at this point after being a suicidal teenager. Last Wednesday I had a panic attack because I had a misunderstanding about discovery in my state. I packed up my office and left right at end of day. Started applying to new jobs. Just wanted to vanish.
I took the next two days off as sick days. I spent Saturday with my partner having a really nice day trip. Then as we drove home I was suicidal thinking about having to go into work on Monday. It was dark and I had another panic attack because I was so scared of myself getting back this way.
Today I was really struggling again. My partner stepped out of our home and I had to call a crisis line and get talked down. At 10pm sent in my resignation, took some sedatives my doctor prescribed for sleep, and am having my partner sleep in the same bed as me (we have separate rooms) to make sure I'm safe.
I'm not planning on continuing in law in this state, in the field I was in, and am looking forward to getting a job where I won't ruin lives by not working.