I apologize, but this is kind of long!
I am a yoga instructor and I worked at a particular studio for about three years. When I started, things were great. Then the owner sold the business and the new owner was awful. Controlling, toxic, and mean to her employees.
She would always give me really vague feedback like:
“Your overall demeanor is too casual”
“Make sure you’re holding space for your students’ emotions”
“Some of your actions have seemed inconsistent to me”
Then she’s give me OVERLY specific feedback that’s also didn’t make sense. She told me off for leaning against the wall because it “sent a message that I would rather be somewhere else”. Apparently.
I would ask for clarification and she’s say things like “if you don’t know what I mean, then that’s part of the problem.”
It kept getting worse. She’d keep reprimanding me for things she couldn’t explain/didn’t make sense, so I would have to idea how to improve.
Then she started giving me feedback on things I hadn’t done yet. I arrived 5 minutes late once and I got a long email about how it would have been a big problem if I had been 10 minutes late. I would get emails all the time about things I said or did that were almost a problem. I started to feel like I was being watched and tbh it’s hard to teach a good yoga class and create a relaxing environment when you’re feeling paranoid and anxious.
The final straw was when my husband came to class once. He hugged me after class (a super casual, “thanks for class” three second hug). I didn’t think my boss was in the studio at the time so I was surprised to find a long winded email when I got home about how inappropriate it was to hug my husband when students were around. I mentioned that there are lots of students that I know well and would also hug after class, and she said “it’s different when it’s your husband because it could lead to MORE”.
I was a bit offended at the insinuation that I wouldn’t be able to resist initiating a public workplace romp and I showed my husband that email and he was just as baffled. I decided that I couldn’t work there anymore, so I responded and gave my notice. I had a 3 week vacation planned in 2 weeks and had already gotten coverage for my classes, so essentially I gave her five weeks notice. She responded back by firing me and giving me vague bullshit reasons why like my casual demeanor, my inconsistent behavior, my “aura”, etc. She told me not to come back at all.
I was MORE than okay with that. Even better, actually! I (really) didn’t want to go back.
Then I was bcc’d on an email to the entire staff team begging for coverage for my classes for the next two weeks because “justmoveyourhours decided to leave us with no notice.”
And that brings us to the other day. Almost five years later, I ran into my ex boss and she HUGGED ME (no sexytime followed, weird) and told me how much she missed having me at the studio. She couldn’t remember why I left.
I was so dumbstruck and just smiled my way through it, but I wish I had come up with something sassy to say to her. I drew a blank. What should I have said? Ughhhh