I posted on here a while ago about how great my new company is. Well, the honeymoon phase is over.
I started just under 4 months ago. Within those 4 months, I had a medical emergency (while on a business trip), several medical procedures, COVID, and my grandmother passed away. I would say I have had about an entire month of real focus.
At first they were very understanding. We have unlimited PTO so they didn’t really worry too much about the time. That was until they decided to put the new person, with NO real training, working at 50% capacity, in charge of creating departmental workflows.
I did the best I could. I consulted with as many people as I could. It doesn’t help that 70% of the staff has been there less than 6 months. Basically, the company grew too fast and they were not prepared. We produce 1.5 million units a year and function as a start up.
A days before the project was due, I sent it to my manager for review. She said it was good but the VP would want to add a few details. Well…it was nothing like he expected. He kinda snapped at the manager and director, asking why they didn’t review it first.
Immediately after the epic fail, my manager calls me. She said I have missed an excessive amount of time (all of which was pre approved) and I am not up to speed. No shit. I was advised to not request any time off and to “stay healthy” to prevent getting sick again.
For the last two weeks, I have been busting my ass to get these things done. In two weeks, I have made up 2 months worth of missed retention. My manager and director are now consistently asking me if I am following what is going on in meetings, and checking to see what I am working on several times a day. Pretty much treating me like I am “special”.
It all came to a head today when I missed a meeting I was previously told I did not have to attend. To spare an argument, I just said since the meeting was a series of bundled meetings, I never accepted the invite; thus I never got the notification. She laid into me…in the most passive aggressive tone. She pointed out how light my calendar is and how I have been working on “a few workflows” for 6 weeks. She then compared me to other team members that started around the same time I did. Told me I need to learn how to do more than one project at a time and she has serious concerns about my time management. I felt like absolute garbage. My confidence plummeted. For the first time ever, I feel like an absolute failure.
In a previous position, I had to simultaneously do my job, manage a team, train my replacement, transition into a new position, and be the SME for leadership after a management restructure. I know how to multitask. I have never missed a deadline. My work has always been praised. I always felt I was really really good at what I do.
The truth is…they fucked up. They never trained me, gave me no clear directive, and put me in charge of a developing workflows for undocumented processes. Neither wanted to take accountability…so I became the scapegoat.
I have spent the entire night applying for jobs…a lot of which are not in my current field. I am ready to start over but if I am not succeeding in the field I have worked over a decade in…how am I ever going to grasp something new? I feel so discouraged and somewhat stupid.
To all the leaders out there…don’t do this type of BS. Your job is to lead your team in fulfilling their potential…not suppress that potential by setting them up for failure.
Edit: I am 95% recovered from my illness. I am fully able to focus and have closed the development gap due to missed time.