[TLDR: Worked at a franchise dealership selling cars for 4 years, made the company literally millions of dollars in sales, ordered a vehicle 6 months ago, quit 3 weeks ago after explaining to the owner that my manager (my uncle/godfather) is/was toxic and abusive to me and the rest of the staff and then they treat me worse than a normal customer. lol ended up costing me just over $5k. Read on for details.]
I just need to vent. I took a big L this week.
It started almost 4 years ago. I had just closed a small brick and mortar business that I owned, which resulted in me having to go into consumer proposal (which I repaid very quickly, I’m happy to say!)l and was a pretty dark time for me. I was getting my vehicle serviced at a car dealership where my uncle is a sales manager. He asked me if I’d ever considered selling cars. I hadn’t. I had zero experience in sales and honestly, zero knowledge about cars. I considered it, and told him I didn’t think I’d be a good fit but he told me to think it over for the weekend and get back to him Monday. So I looked through the sales contract, it seemed generous, it seemed like a win-win for me at the time, because there was a guaranteed salary for the first 3 months, and by then if it hadn’t been working out I could get paid to find something else. Plus, my uncle would look out for me, he’s got 30+ years experience in the industry, he’d take me under his wing, and maybe I could actually do well! Not to mention, and not that I necessarily wanted it, but I thought I might get preferential treatment, get fed some deals because of our relationship.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. Within the first 4 months, I knew I’d made a mistake. I can’t explain how green I was with regards to the sales process, and vehicles, in general. There was zero training that wasn’t self directed. This is a major brand, but in my opinion, it comes down to overall leadership/management. By 90 days, I was already seeing behind the curtain that my uncle, who I used to respect and admire, is actually a complete piece of shit. He was verbally abusive, not just to me, but to the entire sales staff, he would fly off the handle, scream and swear at everyone, but in particular he would target me, I assume because of our relationship, he thought it was ok to push those boundaries (and if I’m being honest, it’s partly my fault because people only treat you how you allow them to treat you, right?)… and he was also extremely condescending and rude. As a green employee, I would go to him with questions and he would virtually never help me without first making me feel like the dumbest person on the planet. Like any new job, I didn’t know what I didn’t know, so I would constantly ask questions about this or that, where things go, how things work, etc, and he very quickly lost patience for it. I mean within my probation period. But everyone dealt with it! It was just the norm. I learned though, I learned to ask my co-workers, and not the management team. Or I learned to just find it myself because I’m fairly resourceful, thankfully. But, I was miserable. I was miserable because I had never taken so much abuse from a manager, let alone my own uncle (who also happens to be my godfather). Not only was he verbally abusive, but I found it pretty appalling how many comments he made on a daily basis regarding the women in the company, or any woman who walked in the door, really. If he thought they were attractive, he would let anyone know, any time you went into his office. Mind you, I’d learned by this point to avoid him if I could, but it’s a small-ish showroom, 8 sales people, 3-4 managers. So he couldn’t always be avoided. I’d go into his office to get a deal signed, and he would go on and on about how hot my customer is and all the things he’d like to do to her. Just sign the fucking deal, please. Thanks. What’s worse, the owner of the dealership is a woman. And she knows how he is. But here’s my theory: she is about 25 years his junior, and probably has only ⅓ of his experience in the industry, so I feel like she feels like she doesn’t have the authority to discipline him. Or she’s afraid of losing him. But I digress.
It was at this point, 2 co-workers that I was friends with – sales staff – quit, almost at the same time, and told me privately that it was specifically because of him. People don’t usually quit jobs, they quit managers. And it was at this time that I started looking for other work. 4-5 months in. One of the sales guys who quit had started working at a high end restaurant/bar and was making better money than he had at the dealership, so he encouraged me to apply. I did and based on my previous small business ownership, I was more than qualified (it was just serving and bartending), but I never heard back. It wasn’t until weeks later, my former colleague told me he spoke to the GM of the restaurant, and someone at the dealership had told the GM that they should not hire me. So now I was being blocked from other opportunities, and I felt demoralized and trapped… so I just kept plugging away and dealt with the abuse.
I got better at my job though. In fact, I was really good at my job. I’m proud of myself for how well I did, considering how little I knew when I started. My sales improved 25% year over year, until my final year (2021) I was earning the most money I’d ever earned in my life. I hit 6 figures last year. That made it a lot easier to deal with the abuse. I told myself to take it, because where else could I go and make this kind of money for what felt like fairly little effort. I was just good at it. I’m good at talking to people. But by 2021 tension with him had gotten so bad that me and most of the other sales staff simply preferred not to deal with him if it were at all possible. If other managers were on duty, we left him alone. Because without fail, even if you did a stellar job, he would find something to shit on you about. He’s just a miserable human. Oh, and in the intervening years, through COVID and whatnot, we lost another 2 sales people. One was a seasoned, 10 year employee, who explicitly told my uncle that he was the reason she was leaving. The other employee (who just moved to a different department) told me privately later that she wouldn’t consider going back to sales because of the management team and how she was made to feel.
So it’s 2021 now and tensions are at an all time high between the two of us. I can’t stand working with him or for him, and yet there are moments when he talks to me like a human, we shoot the shit about how my parents (my mom is his sister) are doing, what my grandpa is up to, my cousins, etc. But, then he’ll take his day out on me. This was a regular occurrence. The roller coaster that is working with family, and frankly, having a relationship with an abuser.
In October 2021, I ordered a vehicle. It’s a vehicle I’ve wanted for years, but couldn’t afford. But, I’m making solid money now, plus, now that I work for the company, I’m entitled to an employee discount (it was about $5k.) Now, if you know anything about the auto industry or just haven’t been living under a rock for the past 2 years, the industry is slow moving right now because of the shortage of microchips. Production times are brutal. It takes twice the amount of time to produce a vehicle now than it did in 2018, sometimes more. Honestly, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I’d been dealing with his attitude and his behavior for so long that I didn’t see myself leaving any time soon. Despite how I felt about my uncle, I actually loved my job. I loved my coworkers, I love selling, I love the customers, the freedom of the job, and most of the other managers! But just before Christmas, he and I had a blow up that was the final straw.
He gave me a deal that was a friend of his, but he had me do more than a fair share of the work. It was his customer, granted, he negotiated numbers with him, but I was responsible for getting the vehicle ready, getting accessories added, making sure the final paperwork was correct, making sure it had plates, winter tires, final delivery of the vehicle, all the follow up that comes with a sale, etc. That was expected of me. And then it comes time for my commission, and this was a full priced deal (they all are, with the shortages). Minimum commission. It should have been about $1450, and he paid me $400 and kept the rest. When I asked him about how he arrived at that number (to pay me), he told me he pulled it out of his ass. Verbatim. That was it for me. I took my Christmas break and started looking for a new job. I found out a few days later that besides all that, this customers truck had a serious safety recall with explicit instructions that we could not deliver this vehicle to the customer until the safety recall was performed, but parts weren’t available because they were back ordered. He had me deliver it anyway (presumably because he wanted his part of the commission, nice little Christmas bonus) and forged two signatures on the paperwork so it would go through.
I applied to a few places for sales and to my surprise, I heard back very quickly. Apparently good sales people are hard to find, who knew? I was made a very attractive offer, albeit for considerably less money, but with potential to grow and great retirement benefits (I’m on track to retire in 15 years, so that’s all I really care about now). I took the job. Then, the anxiety and stress about the future started to eat away at me. I’ve talked to my uncle about our issues before, and they end with him being incredibly defensive, never empathizing, and things continue as usual. So my plan was to sit down with the owner and the general manager and explain exactly why I wanted to leave. But it was stressful. Was I making the right decision? What would the fallout be like in my family? Am I making too much of this? What about my vehicle? Will I lose the discount? Am I pissing away $5000? Should I just stick it out for a few more months? What if that job opportunity goes away? I should mention, December-February in the auto industry is slow season, and 2021-2022 were particularly so. January was the worst month I’d seen since I started. So I wasn’t making much money at that point anyway, so I decided to jump, regardless of my apprehensions. And the stress of my impending departure and inevitable awkwardness actually manifested physically, and I came down with a bout of diverticulitis, which was new. I decided to take some sick time, unpaid, to just rest and get better and decide what I wanted to do.
After a few weeks of recuperation, I spoke with the owner and told her in diplomatic terms that the reason I’m leaving is because of him. I told her I’ve never been spoken to by any manager, the way he speaks to me. None of the other managers talk to me, or anyone else, the way he does. She never treated me like that, she always treated me fairly. I told her it's now manifesting physical symptoms, even though I had gotten better, I just took it as a sign – it's time to leave. And she understood where I was coming from, and she was sorry to lose me. She wished I had come to her sooner. (To what end, I don’t know, as far as I can tell, nothing has changed since I left). I didn’t burn the bridge but I wanted her to know that if it weren’t for him, I’d still be working there.
Well, I’ve been employed at my new job for about 2 weeks and my vehicle has finally arrived. And here’s where I take the loss. I’m told that my employee ID had been canceled already so unfortunately, no discount can apply. As if I didn’t work there for 4 years. As if I don’t know how it works. I’ve watched the management team apply any manner of discounts to anyone they consider a friend, or good business, or anyone my uncle considers hot, frankly. They can apply whatever discounts they want, for any reason, at any time. They simply don’t want to. And that’s fair, that’s their right. My uncle isn’t in charge of my deal (he actually told a former co-worker that he wanted nothing to do with it), in fact the owner is working with me personally. I told her I understand I'm no longer an employee, but can we split the difference? Can you give me any kind of deal, at least acknowledge that I worked there for 4 years? Nope. I’m taking an L on the new vehicle, for about $5000 and I’m pretty salty about it.
I’m salty because I was unhappy at work for so long and didn’t leave, and because my uncle treated me the way he did. And because since I quit, he hasn’t sent me one text, made one phone call. I never spoke to him about it. My thought process is, if I heard that an employee of mine, let alone a relative, left because I made them feel like shit, I would be mortified. I would try to mend that bridge. But he hasn’t. And in fact I’m sure he’s still influencing how much they’re charging me for this vehicle. It pisses me off that he still doesn’t get it and that he still gets to treat me like shit any way he can. In this case, hitting my wallet. If you made it this far congrats, that was a lot. And honestly, there’s more to tell… there was a lot more scumminess that I witnessed that I left out for the sake of brevity, and I still didn’t manage to be succinct enough. And if you're thinking, maybe the owner didn't tell him about it – she did. I'm still in touch with my former co-workers and the managers weren't super subtle talking about the fact that I'd resigned and why.
Maybe I should have sat down with him when I left and just scorched the earth anyway. Told him how disgusting I thought he was, that the reason he’s never met my girlfriend of nearly 3 years is because he’s a misogynistic piece of garbage that would probably objectify her, that he’s a scumbag that I can’t trust as far as I could throw him… Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. I’m out $5000 and now have irreparable damage to some familial relationships. But to be honest, he did that. He’s got classic abuser traits, I know that. I’m just working through it. Onwards and upwards though. It’s only money.
I’m already happier at my new job, and I’ve cut all ties with my uncle. I just want to go in, do my job, make my money, and live. I shouldn’t have to feel like shit every day to earn a living. No one should. I took a massive pay cut to get away from a toxic environment and I would encourage anyone else to do the same, if it’s feasible. You owe yourself happiness. You get one life, and it shouldn’t be spent under someone else’s boot. If you’re unhappy in your job, take steps to leave. There are always other jobs out there and trust me, it’s worth it for your mental health. It's also probably worth recommending that a good way to avoid a lot of this would be to not work for family. Not every family will be like this but I think it's probably just good practice in order to avoid boundary crossing and whatnot with regards to work relationships. Thanks for reading.
EDIT: I typed all this out last week. Since then I've taken delivery of my new vehicle, paid full price, and it took them a week to get things ready (usual turn around time is about 48 hours or less, maybe 3-4 days if it has to go offsite), they refused to let me DocuSign the documents, insisted that I come in to sign the paperwork when my uncle would be there. And I did. And he acted like nothing happened. It was surreal. But! It's over with and they won't get another dollar from me, or see my face again.