Oh these years are done and gone but I feel I can be used as a cautionary tale for younger readers. Looking back and I see how much of a fool I was and how much I would have benefited from this sub to help me wake up to my reality sooner.
Background – I was in my early 20's, I was young and stupid and spineless, in university and thinking I was going somewhere with my life. Needed a job to buy fun things like food, gas for my car, rent… The things in life that many employers categorize as a luxury. Oh I wish I could send a message to that me, a message to never apply there.
It was a family owned restaurant and bar that did home made BBQ. The owners proudly proclaimed that the staff was treated like family, if this was true I feel awful for their kids. Everything started out fine, or with nothing that I knew was a red flag. My first serving job, the more experienced servers were fantastic at training and I was picking it up quickly. Food was great in the beginning before corners were cut to save costs (and they wondered why they went out of business).
Story time – The owners got this idea that they should do live music on the weekends in the bar to attract more customers and boost liquor sales. Good concept but in practice it was a gong show. Never once was there thought put into keeping the staff safe. Oh well if a customer grabbed you or tried to kiss you, you still had to be nice and heavens help you if there was a complaint because everyone was friends with the owners and the owners were NOT on your side. It was this live music that ended up causing me to damage my hearing, you see, some bands would be respectful about the size of the room, the door to the kitchen to get food being by the stage and speakers and the servers having to get far too close to the speakers. Other bands, well, they packed ear plugs and had this f___ the audience and staff mentally as long as they had fun. And f___ the staff that pleaded for it to be turned a few points down. The headaches from those bands would always last into the next and the same with the ringing in my ears. Owners had this oh well we will talk to them but it's fine mentality but had no idea why fewer and fewer customers wanted to come out on live music nights. Working those nights, for tips that weren't even worth it, ended up having some permanent reproductions on my hearing.
My poor bowels, they are a sad story about the impacts of mental health of the physical health. The owners were a Husband and Wife. Husband ran the kitchen and the Wife the front. Wife was my nightmare.
The gaslighting, put downs, condescending, unreasonable expectations, it caused a degree of anxiety worse than what my own mother invoked. There was no pleasing her, you could never do enough or do right or make the right judgement calls but involving her was also the wrong choice. I was too stupid and too indoctrinated with job loyalty to leave right away and was convinced I could meet her standards. It got to the point where I was needing to meditate in my car before each shift to fail at calming my anxiety. I was throwing up in the staff room garbage can at the start of each shift (sorry kitchen guys who took that out). The anxiety, which I did not realize the connection, was causing wonderful nightmares and digestive distress in the form of constipation. My worst month, I managed a mere 4 bowel movements, this is not healthy and has caused me some delightful long term difficulties.
The straw that broke this camel's back?? I mentioned to Wife that her reducing my promised hours was making it next to impossible to afford groceries. Her response “it's not my problem, that's why there is a food bank” was the kick in the ovaries I needed to GTFO. I quit not long after I secured alternative employment.
It was years later in a different restaurant where wife would praise me that I was the only server who could get her order right. I still wanted to puke when I saw her but I realized then that I was good at my job and she was the problem all along.
Moral of my story, never trade your physical and mental well-being for a minimum wage job with horrendous management because you cannot undo the damages that were caused