Last Friday I was let go of my job. I had only been working there for two months. There wasn’t any real warning, no heads up, no evaluations on what I could do to improve. They just told me I wasn’t a good fit for this job.
A part of me saw it coming. Truth is, I wasn’t happy there. It was difficult for me to adapt to such a fast paced environment where they require you to do multiple tasks at once, a lot of times by yourself. I never connected with anyone and always felt weirdly excluded. In the end it was just a draining and frustrating experience.
Of course, I was upset at first, but as I made my way home I just felt….numb, indifferent, even a little relieved. Can’t feel too mad about being kicked out of a place where you weren’t really wanted.
Then yesterday, I broke down for the first time since that day. I don’t know what triggered it or why my reaction was so delayed, but it was like all that anger and disappointment finally hit. Since COVID hit I’ve been unemployed. I had been searching for a job in my area that was accessible in terms of transportation since I didn’t have a car and public transportation wasn’t always reliable.
After a year of putting out my resume and applying to multiple places (preferably in my field of study though at that point I wasn’t picky, just needed some decent pay), I finally got the job! Even though I wasn’t happy, I was still grateful to find work! Only to be told I wasn’t good at what I was doing and they didn’t really want me there despite not even having finished my 90 days yet. Now I’ve been repeating the cycle and it’s killing me! I’m just tired! Maybe I’m ungrateful! Maybe I’m privileged! Maybe I’m spoiled. But I’m just so angry and frustrated. Felt like all that work I did for my degree was for nothing in the end. My mental health has taken a toll since I started working! Now it’s still taking it’s toll! I don’t even know what to do anymore!
(I didn’t know where to post this in order to vent. I just need to vent)