I'd say I'm going to try to keep this short, but it won't be. I'm in the middle of a mental breakdown over this.
Pre-pandemic, I had a great life in retail. I mean, as great as retail can be. So in other words, I was still working 70 hours a week, being paid for 45, but at least I was making enough money to provide for myself and my ex very comfortably. Post- and during-pandemic, I had two years of everyone around me saying no one wanted to work while applying for 20-30 jobs a week and hearing nothing.
And I mean. Don't get me wrong, if I could live by vibing with my cat, playing video games, and going to the gym, I would, but that… isn't the world we live in, so I tried to grease the wheel and find a job. I eventually went to one of those “pimp your resume” services and while my resume wasn't really a lie, it was very exaggerated. It didn't lie about any skills I have, or that I had performed them, but many of the dates were off, or simply not provable (for example, I worked with a technology avoidant attorney for about 9 months as he modernized his office and he paid me out of pocket, and since he worked for a specific firm, I was told to list the firm instead with him as a reference. Likewise, I had worked for a blog that went on to become very successful website, and now the website is listed.) To my shock, this has worked–none of the references have even taken the calls and I can prove I have the skills, so these led to interviews for jobs I was more than qualified for as far as skill goes, but not as far as experience goes. Oddly, those interviews worked with the government, who haven't really called anyone, but not with private sector, who absolutely called everyone they could.
I also take care of my mom, who is in her 70s. She has a work-from-home job answering emails, and has been with her job so long that she could, theoretically, pay on her own, but that's basically just rent. Not food, utilities, etc. So I take care of her due to her health, we combine our income and save a bit.
The job I ended up getting has been incredible. I'm learning things I've always been interested in. I could actually see myself being happy here until I retire. I'd prefer something creative, something I could give back in, but this work has been rewarding, there's a path forward, I have rights, I'm in a union, I have incredible benefits. The pay isn't great, but the yearly raises are huge–the raise I'm due for when probation is out will have me far above where I was in retail after 6 years in management.
The bliss came to an end a week ago. We moved to a new office and everything is much more compact. Me being charismatic and welcoming is now loud and unprofessional. That's fine, I dialed it back. I'm not supposed to use the stand function of my sit/stand desk because I'm so tall that I can see over the tiny walls of the cubicles, which is intrusive. Bizarre and stupid, but okay. These were all meetings with my boss, HR, and the complaining employee.
Then it got worse.
Day after day, every 20-30 minutes, my boss is in my space, informing me of the newest way I have fucked up. I started documenting them all so I could have a paper trail–she got on me from everything from the font I used in a shared document going against training (I use the same font as everyone else; the font isn't mentioned in training,) to not documenting my files correctly (I follow the same format as everyone else, which is against training since they all shorthand, but I'm following the trend of the office,) to leaving my office too often (I'm in reception, I have to leave my office to bring people inside or they'll be stranded outside,) and now to not CCing her on literally every single email I send (this has never been discussed and the majority of the office doesn't CC emails, they only email people who are involved with the topic directly).
That's just a greatest hits. Every time she has come to my desk has been a 30-60 minute meeting with her and HR, documenting a “failure to abide by training” and my “inability to adapt to an office environment.” There are about eight more examples, all more trivial, but the most egregious being an entire document that was dated and catalogued wrong resulting in a two hour training for me… and in about 20 seconds, I proved that someone else did it, and it was done nearly 18 months before I was even hired, to which she said she was tired of hearing my excuses.
From my previous job, I know that HR is not my friend. But frankly, I actually enjoy this job, and I wanted to at least advocate and try, one time, before I let the doom really set in. I took all of these documented occasions, complete with dates, times, and witnesses, and went to HR. They looked at my evidence and said that I am clearly having a hard time adjusting to an office from retail and wrote me up for insubordination for breaking chain of command and going above my boss without consulting with her.
Naturally, things have only gotten worse.
Yesterday, the majority of my duties were taken from me. I was relegated to, essentially, dusting. My boss came to me with her fake fucking faerie voice, as pleasant as can be, and said “just in case you ever call out sick, I need to know what a day in your life looks like!”
I tried to play it off. “Oh, haha. I've only called out sick once in 6 months. I don't really ever get sick. Plus you're the one that trained me, so of course, you know all the procedures! I've got this, don't worry.”
The pretense faded. “I'm going to have to insist.”
So I did. She took over my job for the day and told me she will be doing it Monday because I've been “so stressed lately.” I haven't. I've been doing great. Even doing my job, and hers, she was still over at my desk trying to tell me of other ways I'd fucked up–including telling me she didn't think I was allowed to document everything anymore since she felt I was going it out of spite rather than good intent. Naturally, I documented that too. When I left for lunch, I came back and my entire desk had been rearranged–she said I was keeping it unclean, but no, I'm very tidy. She just flatly took a bunch of my work and removed many of my personal effects.
At the end of the day, I spent the last 30 minutes of my shift in the bathroom with severe nausea, only to come back to my desk to find her scowling, saying she thought I left early because I fucked up on something else–this was an actual fuck up, but it was on something I had never done before, was never trained in, guessed my way through, and the mistake was essentially a typo that she could have corrected herself as she has the clearance to, but she just chose to be difficult and point it out instead of training me on how to do it correctly.
By the time I got home, I was so sick I could barely function. I do have anxiety, but this isn't just anxiety. I don't have a backup plan to this job because I thought I'd just be here–I'm happy. I was, anyway. And after telling this to my friends, family, and even my mom–all but one have told me to quit, even without a backup plan.
Well, today I woke up, ready and determined to go in Monday positive and reclaim my job. HR isn't my friend, I get it. My boss truly seems out to get me. But you know what? The rest of my office, including her superiors, absolutely love me. If I keep my head down and do my job, I'll make it.
That's when I got an email on a god damn Saturday. I have a meeting with my boss and HR first thing in the morning on Monday to discuss my unprofessional conduct. I am no longer going to make my performance goals (robbing me of 40 hours I can do whatever I want with,) and me passing probation at the end of the week is now a question rather than a guarantee–it's slated to be Friday, but the decision is coming at end of day on Monday.
I'm fucked. I know I'm fucked. I am obviously fucked. I've spent the weekend applying for work, but my life has been–without a fudged resume–essentially a few months of retail, then taking care of family, then a few months of retail, then taking care of family, then a few years of odd jobs and writing gigs, then taking care of family, then six years of retail, then the pandemic, and now this, where I am not going to pass probation. I'm also handicapped, but not in any way recognized by my state (very rare eye disorder). So I'm nearly 40 and about to lose the best job I was ever going to get.
I have no idea what to do. It feels awful that the opportunity of my life has been taken from me because the only person that has to like me doesn't.