Mods can remove if this isn't relevant but I'm just having a particularly tough day at my shit job,
it started with me getting a notification that a film I made was admitted into a film festival in Toronto and they have invited me to the award show since my films been nominated, the hang up? it would cost me $500 CAD and missing 2 days of work to actually be able to attend the festival, a cost I cannot afford at all.
I took a week off (No paid vacation at my job so yay) to go work as an background actor on a tv show in a town nearby and I didn't think that a week off would practically bankrupt me but here we are,
between my commute to work and work itself I'm essentially spending 12 hours each day working and I still find myself broke at the end of each month after bills etc. despite working a full time job, a simple $500 trip is out of my reach because I had the Gaul to try and take a week off to pursue something I truly love (the extra work hasn't paid out yet ill be happy when they finally pay but that'll take months, for a measly 300ish bucks) why even try to make a dream work when this system basically makes it untenable.
Anyways that's been my day I got the notification, did some math, figured I cant afford to go, did some more math and it will be well into July before I can consider myself temporarily out of debt, and so now I'm just wondering if it would just be easier to end it all, Jesus listen to me I'm considering ending it all because my job has led me to that level of miserableness
anyways if you read this far into my bitching I appreciate it, life is hard and I'm slowly losing faith in the idea that it will ever not be hard, send happy memes if you feel like it