I'm so tired. 24 y/o dude on the spectrum sick of how unbelievably difficult and tedious it is to find work. No car, E-bike can only do so much in a city with a metro system worthy of nothing but jokes alongside arterial stroads of suburban hell, not to mention the local environment is very hot and arid.
The process of applying for work is just unbelievable. Current job gave me almost 0 hours for over a month (thats a whole other can of worms: TLDR I forgot adhd moment haha to submit availability but pleaded with boss to let me, he wont budge and asks for availability monthly, so fuck m…and boss is aware of my situation, just stubbornly wont help me to prove a point) and I have $3 in my bank account with rent ($1600+) and bills coming up. No credit history so I cant get credit cards or personal loans. (Title/payday loans can fuck right the hell off btw, shit's designed to screw you over). Even if I could, the money or potential credit cards just wouldn't arrive on time to avoid banking overdraft fees and rental late fees – its $75 late fee on the 2nd, then tack on $10 / day after. Landlords are unforgiving.
The weight of everything is just awful. I feel sick.
I don't have any credit history because I just never had anything more than a basic debit card.
I feel like garbage.
Motivation is gone. Hope is pretty much dead.
Power bill behind by several months (over $400 by now x.x) and I have no hope to pay anything, I feel like I'm about to break down and crumble into an autistic/adhd riddled mess. I dont know what to do. I just don't sleep anymore. I can't even fucking feed myself…..I feel so damn humiliated.
How do we as people put up with this bullcrap?
I'm so tired. I dont know what to do at this point.
Pulling myself up by my own bootstraps is simply a myth and is pure BS.
I'm a young handicapped dude who has no car and a high school diploma with very little work experience who can't handle food/customer service work due to chronic anxiety and depression.
I honestly don't know how the hell I'm still going.
Sending out a ton of applications with no bites.
Car recently died too (adhd+first car moment: forgot to change oil. Didn't notice it leaked out til car made weird engine noises. Sorry, not a car guy at all) and I can't possibly afford another one so that's a nice fucking bonus innit?
Sorry for the rant, thanks for reading my nonsense.
I feel at the end of my rope with my hands slipping off the end over this void. At least my cat has been extra cuddly, so that's been helping. He's a sweetie. 🙂
TLDR: autistic young person struggling to find work with all the application nonsense, but lap cat is helping me feel not as crap as I could be.