So I'm a millennial, graduated college in '08 and the recession haunted me for over a decade. I could not get work. I would literally spend 8 hours a day applying for work and I did that for 2 years. I never backed down for work, I did odd jobs, I would beg for work (never begged for money) and would be turned down. Ok I should not get started on that part of my life, it was fucked up.
I remember them saying in the news at the time talk about my generation will forever be financially behind because of graduating in the recession. That has been so true. I have an Engineering degree, before the recession, companies would go on campus and literally pluck us out of our senior year with $75K starting average. By the time I was a senior, that stopped. When I graduated, companies were whining on TV that they had no workers but they were actually just treating new grads like crap. They wanted people with 3 years experience with technology that was only 1 years old.
Anyway, I stuck with it until finally 2010 I got a real job. I was an Engineer…for $28K. Even though it was peanuts, I was grateful.
I spent an entire decade trying to lift myself up and better myself. I spent thousands more (despite already having a degree) on courses that didn't do any better than youtube how-to's honestly. Anyway, I landed a job back in November that is 6 figures.
And now…I have almost zero motivation. I lost the drive. Even though its 6 figures, it is less than starting pay for entry level engineers. For me it's still a lot of money though. But I feel stuck now. I can't just quit, or I will lose a lot, and I am just struggling to be productive now. Don't get me wrong, I did a lot here already because when I started I had a huge drive. I Engineered a lot of impactful deliverables already. But in the last 2 months I've been struggling internally.
I try meditating, motivational talks and thinking about what I'm getting and how I need to push through this. But in the end I feel like I'm emotionally spent. I only want to listen to some youtube commentary or watch movies or garden in my garden. I have overindulged on the clock and I feel horrible at the end of the day. Honestly I have had suicidal ideation flash across my mind a few times which scares the hell out of me. No I'm not going to call some crisis hotline, it isn't that bad. But, I dont know what to do. I know what its like to starve, I don't want to go back to that.