I cant find any fulfillment in menial customer service and sales jobs. I was raised to value hard work …. But I cant seem to value my sales job.
Yes its a good job , pays well , I get a company car but I have no job security . if a recession hits the salesmen is the first to be let go at my company, which proves my point that my position is pointless.
I cant seem to take pride in sales and never have , it was something I did while in college to get my mechanical engineering degree but once I started looking at interships and saw how unhappy people were I thought I dont want to live in an office , I want to be outside …. But sadly this is really all I'm qualified for… I drive into one of the most congested citys in the US and then drive around the city all day selling stuff and checking up on customers and then I drive home again surrounded by people who dont know how to drive …. Meanwhile I'm all stressed out because I dont want to get into an accident and lose my job because then I have to start the demeaning process of finding another job.
Is this all by design that we're supposed to be stuck in these menial customer service jobs that don't provide any gratification or satisfaction? I feel like i was born in the wrong era … If this was the 40s or 50s I could find a good manufacturing job or something to that effect make good money and actually be able to quantifiably see what I've done every day .
I feel like what I do doesnt matter and never will. I work so I can pay my bills and try and enjoy my free time meanwhile my free time is spent burnt out trying to find pleasure however I can because I'm stuck in an existence that to my POV is truly meaningless.
I am thankful I have the job I have dont get me wrong because I know I could be a lot worse off …. But i just cant help feeling … Is this it ? Is this all its going to be ?
I go to sales meetings with these little drones suckling on the corporate tit who live breath and sleep their jobs … I am just glad I am not one of them and I see the code in the matrix and have since high school and i think that might be why I will never find joy in menial work.
I have family in other parts of the world , in third world countries no less and they are happier than tbe average US citizen it seems .
I feel like I'm screaming into a void that I'm helplessly hurtling into … A blackhole devoid of meaning and with each passing year the feeling grows that nothing most of us do truly matters or helps anyone to make the world a better place for the greater good. So I consume more and more things to try and bring myself some joy to distract myself from that creeping feeling of meaninglessness .
This is what I get for watching Office Space in middle school …. I honestly would give anything to be one of the programmed drones because ignorance truly is bliss.