i am a trans male (20) before my transition the longest i’ve ever waited to hear back from a job was 2 days. i’ve never been unemployed before, it’s always been one job after another. once i got laid off, i figured it would be okay to sort of just not have a job for a week or two until i found a new one.
it’s july.
no one is hiring me.
i just switched my resume back to my deadname. this is so humiliating.
i’ve found myself thinking dark thoughts again as i do not want to live in a world i have to work in order to survive in. and on top of that i get dressed and go to work everyday as someone i am not? but i know i’ll do it anyway. and that makes me even more sick. this complacency. i’m driving myself insane. and no one understands. this to me is incredibly embarrassing and demeaning. i feel like such a fucking bum going out with friends and they have to pay for me.
i’ve been staying in by myself now and im running out of money. i’m down to my last $49. i don’t know what to do. i think i am going to be homeless. i miss my mom.