I’ve been going through an extreme amount of frustration with my job. I am only 27 years old but suffer from chronic pain from an injury that I need to continue physical therapy for. I also have persistent depressive disorder, severe anxiety, and PTSD. This makes doing ANYTHING difficult, even if it’s something I WANT to do for myself.
I’ve gotten my first taste of a corporate job. I’m a customer service rep for health insurance. You know? One of those jobs in which it should NOT be mandatory to waste 40 hours of my life in a cubicle, excluding the goddamn commute on top of that. I am officially 6 months on the job, thank god.. But in less than 6 months they’ve managed to dwindle my (at the time of hire) improving mental health into absolute SHAMBLES.
Prior to the peak of COVID around the holidays, I was going into the office as scheduled 3 days out of the week. You would think that wouldn’t be so bad but for me it was. The challenges I face to leave my bed every day, and on top of that, deal with multiple flights of stairs in my overpriced apartment to leave for work while in pain was HELL. I’d try everything to make my morning routine more positive only to end up crying every day. Nevertheless, I persisted and made it to work, and while at work I would have panic attacks and cry in their disgusting bathroom. A good amount of the female employees do NOT wash their hands and leave their blood, urine, and sanitary products ON THE TOILETSEAT AND FLOOR! I have gastrointestinal issues so that makes me not want to use the restroom at all and adds to my hatred of the office. Everyone tries to act so chummy and happy to see each other and I hate the fakeness! You don’t care about me, so don’t stop by my damn cubicle and ask me how am I doing every day. It irks me and is only a slap in the face to what I’m actually going through.
Our training was rushed with parts of it skipped over. The supervisors gaslight you for not knowing things instead of having the patience to help even if it’s outside hours. I found that once they allowed us to work remote, I was at peace. I was able to self care and do things to make work far less stressful on my mental and physical health. I was learning the material I needed in a much more peaceful state of mind and able to retain it also. Over time, I grew to ask for help less and less but of course that wasn’t acknowledged. I just get chewed out or gaslit for something I do not know .
Once the holiday Covid peak was over, the bs of “SO HAPPY TO SEE YOUR FACES BACK IN THE OFFICE SOON!” reared it’s ugly head. We were alerted we needed to speak to an Equal Employment Opportunity Officer (EEO) for approval to continue remote. I was advised I would need a note from my doctor to work remotely. My primary care physician I’ve had since I was a child refused to write me the note insisting that he’s not doing those notes anymore since many people tried to get the same accommodation for remote work only to have their job deny it. He then proceeded to say he could not write the note on the basis of mental health despite treating me for anxiety when I was younger with beta blockers.
My job offers trash insurance so finding in net work professionals that do not suck is extremely difficult especially in the mental health field. I went through a nightmarish situation when I had to change my doctor that did not give me any treatment or resolve. Only more stress, run around and lies. They were supposed to get me a psychiatrist that never called me, and only proceeded to call me after I had already changed to my current doctor. The current doctor is nice, and I feel comfortable with him. However, he also will not write me the note to work remotely but did write a note for my work schedule to adjust so that I may go to physical therapy. The EEO has been poor in his response times. It basically took my job 3 months to notice I was not in the office. And for months I was breaking my brain trying to find someone to help me with achieving a remote accommodation. My job found out that I am not the only one the EEO has not been responding to appropriately which delayed me being able to get assistance as well.
All of the doctors that I attempted to get assistance from advised me that I need the remote accommodation note to come from a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist in my therapist’s facility has NOT been taking patients since the pandemic began 2 years ago. I try to explain this to psychiatrist in other facilities only to be told that they only take referrals from therapists IN THEIR OWN FACILITIES. I should not have to lose my current psychologist that I love in the name of capitalist controlling bullshit. It’s difficult finding a good therapist and I refuse to leave my therapist and deal with someone else that may possibly make me feel worse.
My job is starting to hound me about working from home without approval. Within the past week, I was told a note from my therapist would be fine. My therapist asked her supervisor and was advised they they cannot provide this sort of note. So again, who the hell am I supposed to turn to for help?! Nobody is listening, Nobody is doing their job. I woke up to an e-mail today telling me that I must go to the office starting next week and because I “chose” to stay remote on my own accord that I will be subject to disciplinary that will further be discussed next week. I broke down screaming and crying yesterday when my therapist gave me the news that she cannot help. This response from my job only made it worse. Nobody gives a damn about me and I’m tired of faking a smile and neglecting my issues to help the member’s of this insurance with their issues 40 hours a week! I even tried to reach out to my union a few months ago for help, to which they told me they cannot help me because I’m a brand new employee. “You’re not even 6 months here.” What the hell does that have to do with anything ?! This company only respects you if you’ve slaved for them for years and they play favoritism! Prior to the pandemic peak in the winter of 2021, I became very ill. But as a new employee, I cannot use my sick leaves, annual leave, etc. I forced myself to come in and was told that I couldn’t go work remote at home. Meanwhile a colleague of mine that was hired WITH me was able to go home the same day because she has a F******* HEADACHE! A headache versus a legitimate flu?! You have to be kidding me. I’ve been disgusted and fed up with this company ever since!
I am at my Witts end after having a complete mental breakdown this morning. I’ve never had to leave a job before and it feels this is my only option which I hate because I need to support myself and keep a roof over my head. I reached out to the union this morning only for them to relay me to their mental health team, which apparently has a goddamn psychiatrist. I didn’t know all of this and of course the supervisors didn’t bother to direct me to that they only know how to be middle management c*nts and relay what upper management wants regardless of how unreasonable it is. They advised me they cannot tell me to skip work, only the union rep, who of course did not answer my call and I had to leave a message. Now I’m waiting to be with the union’s psychiatrist after being screened by a social worker. They advised me that this would take time which I don’t have at this point. I’m sick to my stomach and can’t stop crying. I don’t want to go back to work. This whole experience has been absolutely daunting.