I am sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, but I feel like the more traditional career subs will me alive for this.
Just a couple of things about me before I start my rant: I hate lying, I hate writing resumes and looking for jobs (it would be my personal hell if one existed), I get very anxious about things that might or might not happen, I am smart and learn very quickly, but at the same time very insecure, I am a procrastinating perfectionist.
This is going to be a long read. Sorry.
So if you don't mind, I'll tell my story from the beginning. I moved to the US when I was 22 right after graduating with BS (bullshit) degree from my eastern European country. I worked fashion retail for 2 years where I was bullied, then took a job at a dental office because I didn't think I was good enough for corp jobs. Then I went to school in NYC for a second BS in fashion business. I graduated when I was 29. In my last semester I got a paid internship in sourcing, though it was not my dream career path: I wanted to be in buying, or better, marketing. But I took it. I was quickly promoted to assistant ahead of other interns, and only after a couple of months one of the directors pushed me to have an interview with her former colleagues at a very well known American luxury fashion brand. I got a position as an associate in apparel production right away. I was moving quickly and was happy, though it was not my preferred role. I figured with them on my resume, I can get a job I like afterwards. I worked there for 3 years. It was not horrible, but still quite shitty. The promotions were given to suck ups, the whole corporate politics and the fact that I was called into HR because I took an extra unpaid day off two years in a row, made me really hate it. Though for some reason I now wish to be back. Haha. Then in my 3rd year my department moved to NJ from NYC. It was a 4 hour commute daily for me, plus I got pregnant and after maternity leave I left the company. I was a SHM for 2 years and I didn't keep myself up to date in the industry contrary to popular career advice.
So after 2 years at home I started looking for a job again. And it was hard. Due to my aforementioned hate for job search , I took on the first offer I got at a small textile firm. My son was always sick in day care and they didn't allow me to work from home, taking my PTO and then taking it from the next year when it ran out. They suggested I get a babysitter, but we could not afford one on top of the daycare, plus where can you find one for just once in a while. I quit after 10 ms, it was January 2020. So they all went to WFH 2 ms later. Joke's on me and them. Then in September I finally got an offer for contract job at another major fashion company. I worked remotely, my boss was awesome, she had a small child of her own, so she knew the struggle. She pushed for me to get hired permanently, but the execs had a different idea: first after 9 ms they demoted me in my responsibilities, making me an assistant, reporting to associate, so I was really demotivated, and stopped making an effort, so they ended my contract without notice, then they laid off all of my former bosses as well. It was a shit show. I developed depression, and could not do shit for half a year. When I finally got on AD and started looking in December, I felt absolutely inadequate with all the half ass jobs I had. I had a lot of interviews: contract and permanent, even worked for a few companies very shortly. Finally in March I was offered a permanent position at a small sportswear company as a production coordinator, which is lower than the associate I've before. But it was finally a permanent job, with benefits and the pay is bigger than I had before. My boss (director) promised a promotion in a year, we hit it off during the interview process because I am a bit OCD and a perfectionist. She instantly liked me and I did her. They told me they needed someone with my experience and to improve the processes for them. I've been there 3 months, and I realize I was duped. My boss is much more OCD than I am. There is a lot of micromanaging. When most of the office leaves at 5, she makes me stay till 5:30 even if I'm done. The job is menial and very entry level. My suggestions are not considered because they are either out of budget or she prefers things to be done her way. I had several major sick days for me and my husband right from the start and asked to work from home. I was allowed, but theb were given “the talk”. We have 3 days in office and 2 days WFH, which was one of the major factors for me to accept, but now there's a talk of going back to 5 days in office. Every time my son is sick, I struggle and feel guilty that I am not being productive. I work very late just to have everything done, but she doesn't like it, because she does not know if I will do it eventually or not. At the same time she comes to office at 7am and leaves at 8pm. She has no life outside of work
My friend tells me that I will never be promoted to manager and that there's no growth, based on what I described. I am 37 and been stuck in entry level positions for 9 years now. I am ready to move up, but I can't waste time waiting for them to promote me if they do. But I have been jumping a lot since I became a mother: 10 Ms here and there, and a lot of gaps. He tells me just to fill these gaps and nobody will know. I know I am capable and smart. And the same time I'm scared shitless to fuck up and have a major imposter syndrome. I know the companies don't care about employees, should we care about being honest with them?
Thank you for reading if you got this far. I am drunk, and scared, and feel like I lost a lot of opportunities, and now it's too late.