I came from an abusive household and I feel like I left and jumped right back into others and I'm just hopping to different ones with each new job.
Every job I've had to far has felt like this.
I've noticed my mental health declining with these work environments the same way it did at home and I connected that the way my managers talk to me is the same as how my parents did. The gaslighting, hypocracy, making jabs at me, talking to me in a disrespectful tone and ordering me around, not being allowed to stand my ground against them, Etc.
No wonder I get these anxiety flare-ups! Even thinking of it objectively managers act like a toxic parent. Particularly the ones that try to gain your favor after treating you like shit and use the “We're all a family here!” shtick.
Theres also the dynamic of wanting to have a good relationship with this person that treats you like shit. With parents its the social pressure and obligation + the desire for a family. With managers its for your working reputation and fear of being fired/losing money, but its the same relationship.
The traditional parenting techniques in America that have you “obeying” those deemed above you are literally training you to behave at work even when treated like that. Btw Idk how widespread this is now, but white boomer parents love to enforce this ideaology- especially conservative christian ones.
I don't wanna live in a word where I'm forced to relive my traumatizing childhood and be stepped all over every single day. Really deppressed that this is going to be my reality for the rest of my life. Especially having the hope as a kid that I'd escape that feeling of constantly being put down and treated like shit all the time.