This was about 8 years ago. And it still makes me so sad to this day.
I was the first person in my family to go to college right out of high school, and the first one to study a “lucrative” major, chemical engineering. When my grandfather died my senior year, everyone said I should just focus on school and it wasn’t important for me to go to the funeral. I also was I school on the east coast, but family on the west coast, so travel expenses were part of the decision. I remember seeing all of the pictures of the celebration with family that I hadn’t seen in years. It broke my heart not to be there.
Then my aunt (by marriage) died. I didn’t go to that funeral either. My two young cousins were now without a mom. This devastated my family. My studies were too important.
Then the next year, my first year of a ChemE PhD program, my grandmother died, and the same thing. I didn’t go to the funeral, didn’t get to see my family. Again I was told that my education was too important.
I never even finished that PhD. My advisor wanted me to work 60-80 hours a week, and only get paid $25k/year. About a month after my grandma died, my mom was getting married, and my advisor asked me not to go to that!!!! That was planned for over a year! Luckily, I had enough sense to go to that. Those two years I was in grad school almost killed me.
So now I’m a teacher. Fuck being an engineer and working for a corporation that treats me like shit. I don’t make the best money, but I’m encouraged by my administrators and other teachers to take mental health days and vacations. I get multiple months of vacation where I can do whatever I want. Yes, I’m still overworked and teachers are expected to fix the worlds problems, but I also get to try to not do the same things to my students as were done to me.
I don’t give homework, even in high level chemistry classes. They can usually finish work in class, if not they may need to do a small amount at home, but I don’t even grade it. I give any kids extensions when they need. I don’t want to work more than 8 hours a day, why would I make literal children do hours of HW everyday.
I literally have kids who get panic attacks when they get less than an A; some even end up in mental facilities. I try to tell them often that they are worth more than the work they produce. These kids are anxious out of their minds to become “productive members of society”.
This has got to stop. Thanks for letting me rant.
TLDR: Missed multiple funerals and almost missed my mom’s wedding because school/work are too important. Now I’m trying to help teenagers get out of the mind trap that society has set up for them. We are worth more than any labor we produce!
Clarifications: My grandparent’s funerals were not big events with expensive caskets or at a church. They were parties in family members homes. Intimate gatherings of the people closest to them.
Also, I hate huge weddings and think they are dumb. My mom’s wedding was literally my mom, stepdad, my two step brothers, and my brother and me. That’s it. We did a trip to help bond as a family. Not some big consumerist wedding. Literally 6 people total.