TLDR- I dreamed of being rich because I grew up poor. I worked ridiculously hard after buying into the “university to riches” pipeline. I am now well paid despite my young age and – wait for it… MISERABLE.
I always wanted to be rich because I grew up quite poor (and always dreamed of buying Mum a house bec private landlords were forever ripping us off or shafting us ( e.g. by selling their house and evicting us etc.). Dad died and was raised by a single immigrant Mum. I was taught STEM subjects = money. I worked hard at university, completed a rigorous scientific degree. Now I am 26 and middle class (?). I am MISERABLE. My heart is in the arts (and just NOT working). PS: working for the NHS doing the same job minus the commute = less money = can't buy my mum a home. PPS: my mum is a min. wage care worker so can't afford it alone.
My job: I work for a private healthcare company, I provide a specialist clinical service for complex surgical cases across the UK (providing national coverage- so typical commute is 2h lol). The job involves sitting in front of a computer, pressing a button at 10 minute intervals. The point is to prevent injury during surgery.
My Salary: approx. £50k (inc. bonuses and car allowance etc)
My situation: It. fucking. sucks. Here's why.
- I don't want to WORK. Ever since my first graduate job I was SHOCKED that we all work 40 hrs a week and during that week we long and pine for our days of annual leave and weekend. I thought an intellectually stimulating job would satisfy me and make me happy. It actually just drains me.
- Crap managers. These people are chronically understaffed so I am always begged to work weekends despite sometimes doing 50-60hour weeks (which is a LOT for me). Sometimes on the rare occasion (once or twice a month) like today I get to WFH I get called asked to travel 80 miles to do an emergency case.
- I live inside a box (small flat x1 bedroom x1 ensuite bathroom), spend 3-4hours travelling in a box (small car) and work in a box (a windowless operating theatre).
- NO hobbies, I have to wake up at 5.00 am to get to the hospital at 7.45 (commute can be 1.5-2hrs as I provide national coverage). I never know what time I will finish because complex surgeries can often over run (as late as 7pm to 10pm, sometimes 2-3am although thankfully my latest finish was at 10.30pm). So I don't get any time for hobbies because I am so exhausted by the time I finish.
- Poor health (physical/mental) I work so much I can't even spend time working out (I used to LOVE running, cycling, going to the gym). At least in my old job I finished at 5 and could indulge myself in doing these things.
- No sense of reward or satisfaction because ultimately you're just pressing a button. Side note- I don't care to talk to patients not in a horrible, sadistic way. Most of the general public are either rude, smelly or very uninteresting (I've worked in clinics). I am not a warm, sunny personality who was born to care. I am just a quiet but very capable/driven introvert. [spoiler alert: I was never into medicine or healthcare. I pursued it because I was encouraged by my immigrant parents from a young age and I always wanted to be 'rich'
Anyhoo I am considering quitting my job but idk if I am brave enough. I want to quit and take a break for 1-2 months ( I am fortunate I have savings). I am nervous because all of this recession talk and inflation boll*cks. I am also very aware that quitting this means going back to the NHS for a £15k pay cut. Yay. Idk what to do