My company refused to give me a cost of living raise this year and last year. So I started doing this a few months.
- do as little work as you can possibly can do everyday.
- take 3x as much time for everything.
- overestimate, double it and then add a buffer
- if you get done sooner then just waste all the time until you have met the estimate.
- take long lunch breaks
- take breaks for water
- setup “doctors appointments” and “dentist appointments”. Do the same for your family.
- “I have to run an errand”
- “I have to take my dog to the vet”
- “My cat died last night”
- dont be the best, work only as much as the lowest performing person on your team
- always ask for a raise – every time you boss wants to talk ask about the raise. Then follow up. Then ask whats going on with it. He will eventually start to ignore you. Doesnt matter if the company is doing terrible. You need your raise and you need it ASAP.
- take minimum 20 mins before you answer email. Answering email is a time consuming activity for you.
- wait 15 kinutes before answering an IM. Dont apologize. Never apologize for taking too long. Let people assume you were busy.
- lie about how long things take
- take your computer to the tech department and complain about stuff not working
- tell your boss that your computer is slow
- complain that the a/c is too cold or too hot
- complain that the office smells bad
- complain thag the amount of light in the office hurts your eyes
- complain about the buzzing noise from the a/c
- use your phone as much as you can to reddit
- everyday stop working as early as you can without anyone noticing. Do the same when coming in.
- make up an excuse for being depressed this year
- you now have many uncles, aunts and pets who have health conditions and this effects your work.
- you have many siblings who need your help after work so you cant help after 5.
- your mom has cancer and needs to be taken to her chemo so you have to leave early.
- make up a health condition that is impossible to dissprove(migraines, anxiety, depression)
- do less work everyday.
- do as little as possible
If everyone does this all of our collective lives will improve.