I love my father more than most people in my life, but I have been having a lot of trouble relating to me in the last few years. He is constantly arguing with me about how I shouldn’t complain about anything, and that his life was much more difficult.
My father grew up in a country where his college education was entirely free. When he got married, his parents gave him a free apartment for his family and a free car. He was able to retire early, paid off his mortgage in the US and now lives in Europe where he has inherited about 1 million worth of property assets from his family. While he did do hard labor for a year or two during his 30s, and he did work hard at his job during his 40s – early 60s, he never once worked the 14 hour work days I have been doing for the last 6 years.
Meanwhile, I never received any free apartments, I am still paying off my mortgage, my college education that I obtained literally over a decade ago, and I haven’t received a cent from my parents in over 10 years. The last time I got help was with living expenses during college career because I couldn’t feed myself given all other college related costs.
I have been losing a lot of patience with him in our conversations because he constantly trying to tell me how easy I have it, and how much more he struggled. While I have a decent salary, I am essentially forced to be a workaholic for my employer, and I never get a break no matter how much higher I am promoted.
Does anyone else deal with these types of discussions with the boomer parents? I am trying so hard not to feel resentful and frustrated, but I am getting sick of him trivializing the fact that my health is suffering, that I don’t have a personal life outside of work, and that I will be stuck with paying off my debt for the rest of my life.
I always thought that parents are supposed to be loving, caring and compassionate, but all I have ever received from mine is, “Stop complaining. You are so lucky.” Meanwhile, I think every day about all of the diseases I will end up with one day from over-working and the stress and how my “good” salary will mean nothing when I end up in the hospital for a major illness and lose my job. I am also seemingly incapable of explaining to him that, despite my promotions, inflation is 7.5%, and that my recent salary increase is now rendered meaningless.
Thanks for listening. Just needed to rant so I can stop feeling so bitter about all of this.