I hate this. I hate the guilt I feel right now for doing this. I feel like I took a cowards way out. For a very long story put short;
Took on a position from someone who left. Was way too much work for one person and my boss used me as the scapegoat in the company for everything that went wrong. Would send emails specially naming me and my mistakes, we had meetings where he called me out in front of people, called me names, mocked my tone of voice. I had constant meetings begging and in tears asking for help and providing more then enough evidence I had more work then possible for one person. He never believed me and gas lit me and would twist my words and I would leave every meeting confused and feeling at fault. He has private meetings about me with other employees and then pulls me in to reprimand me on whatever they spoke about. (If they found a mistake I made or something. I’m under qualified and majorly overworked. It happens often)
This week was my last straw. Came in one day to all my files n work missing. He took it all and pulled me into his office and made me explain everything. He wanted answers on everything I had on my desk. Gave me until tomorrow to do so. Months worth of work. And here’s the kicker- he was doing it with a show. About 5 other team members are going to be “participating” not sure what that was going to be. I couldn’t take another humiliation meeting so I broke down multiple times today. Dry heaved in the office toilets. Cried at my desk quietly while watching over my shoulder all day. This is my usual but times 10. So I called my doctor and got a stress leave note so I can take some time off and find another job. But I feel guilty. I feel like I shouldn’t be taking this way out. I should wait for another job. But my health has declined, I’m so so tired. I’ve never felt so alone and afraid to walk into a space every day.
So I worked overtime this everything and got it all done and sent it to him via email. And now I’m done. Going from being stressed and devastated constantly to nothing has me feeling……… uneasy. I wish I didn’t feel this way.