TW for eating disorders:
My boss made a very public comment about my body.
A colleague had mentioned I ‘look vegetarian’ (found this funny – it’s something a lot of people say and I AM veggie so it’s a running joke in the office).
I made a comment as I was leaving that I needed to ‘do a deep dive on why everyone thinks I look vegetarian because she hadn’t been the first to say it’, and without missing a beat my boss said
“It’s because you’re giving off that malnourished look”.
I was absolutely shocked at this because I’ve had to be open with my boss about my history of eating disorders. She knows I’ve been hospitalized in the past for my eating disorder. She knows everything because I’ve had to turn down work meals etc because of it.
I then said “you can’t say that” because I was so shocked, and she tried to change the subject by asking if I wanted one of the cucumbers she’d grown.
I was seriously pissed off at this point and said “no thanks, seeing as I’m going for the malnourished look” and she replied “don’t worry there aren’t many calories in them”.
I just walked away. She messaged me yesterday morning apologizing and saying she was “just making a joke about vegetarians and hadn’t realized somebody with an eating disorder wasn’t the best person to say that too” but honestly I feel totally humiliated. She said it in front of 4 other people and all of them gasped when she said it. I am chronically underweight because of my ED and for the last 2 days I’ve been working from home because I cannot face the office.
That also came on the same day as she told me I wasn’t getting the bonus I was expecting because we’d had a disagreement about me wanting a pay rise and talking about the cost of living crisis (“you’re bringing down team morale”).
I honestly feel totally uncomfortable and the idea of going into the office feels horrible. I feel like everybody will be looking at me and my body.
My friends think I should speak to HR but a big part of me thinks she just didn’t think before she spoke and I don’t want to get her in trouble.
What do I do?