I work at a mid-sized company. Our union recently won a major expansion of our paternity leave, from six weeks that required us to use all our vacation time to 16 weeks with no vacation deduction. It's great by American standards, and I recognize how fortunate I am.
But in my last week of work before my kid was born, I was talking with one of my managers — a guy I've trusted for a long time — and he asked, 'Are you really gonna take all that time?' When I said yes he asked me a series of leading questions suggesting that if I took longer than six weeks people within the company would 'lose sight' of me and that I'd get passed over for promotions and other opportunities. He said that he thought 16 weeks was too long and that most people who went on leave didn't take all of it (that's almost entirely untrue).
It was infuriating because I've had a good, trusting relationship with this guy for a couple years, and this was a really sick way to pressure me into scaling back my time off with my newborn and recovering partner. On top of that, it seemed like a veiled threat to undermine me if I don't come back in a month or so. Fortunately, none of my other managers or other bosses around the room have said anything of the sort — in fact, they've encouraged me to unplug completely for the full 16 weeks. But his remarks were really manipulative and I feel like there has to be some repercussions here, even if it damages our friendship.
What would you do in this situation?
Edit: To be clear, I'm taking every second of those 16 weeks. I'm wondering how to deal with this manager. I don't want him doing this to other people.