Hello r/antiwork, long time lurker and first time poster.
I have debated sharing my story with an old employer for a long time now and I feel after this afternoon I now have a reason to. As it turns out it’s a long one, so I do apologise.
TL;DR: my old employers treated me horribly, pushed me to my breaking point to the point I could not go into shifts due to panic attacks and sent me a long paragraph a week after I left saying I was ungrateful, how dare I leave after a rough pandemic etc. it’s now almost a year later and while I’m currently travelling I receive a message from them asking how I’m doing.
While I was at university I worked a part time job to pay the bills in a restaurant in the centre of Edinburgh.
I was hired on the spot after an unpaid trial shift (worth noting I was 20 at the time and didn’t see all the major red flags that would pop up) the work was 30hrs a week (this is apparently considered part time although the university recommended not exceeding 15/16) it was pretty good starting out, free meals, nice coworkers, a decent manager a fairly good work/life balance at the time, then manager left, and basically shit hit the fan. I’ll save you the boring details basically it was very unpleasant working there, and that along side peak dissertation sent me to the lowest I’d been mentally.
Then comes covid. Lockdowns, furlough. I was a student so any extra money was super helpful, and I picked myself up and felt better-I could focus on university and complete my undergrad, before moving onto a masters. Then things gradually start opening up, and after a few managers come and go, we’re left with total skeleton staff, then there is a second lockdown. The last manager, a spunky 20 something with loads of ideas, was seemingly let go for no reason- I had to go and collect the keys from her and it then became my responsibility to empty the dehumidifier in the restaurant every other day, I was the only member of staff in the city centre so I had to take time out of my day and my masters thesis to go and empty it. It sounds so small, but it took a lot out of me. I was being furloughed, I was not supposed to. The owner was too lazy to leave her house 20 mins from the centre to do it herself.
This is when the main issues arise.
I was going to apply for another side job as a social media rep for my college and asked to gain experience via the restaurants social media. This is a small business, and the owners are very much involved (in some areas…). She messages me to say how well I’m doing and suggests content etc. it’s fairly repetitive but whatever.
This is where things get a little worse, during the lockdown, I make content about what our staff has been up to to add some personality to the business. The owner starts messaging me things like “x person didn’t provide content, I think I’m going to let them go, as we can only afford to many staff on furlough”. Why message me this? In addition, every second day I was getting a message from the owner with instructions on what to do for social media during peak thesis time.
Then as things begin to loosen during March, I’m being left in charge of cleaning the entire restaurant before reopening. Organising remaining staff, planning etc. the owner didn’t help at all. In fact a my coworker was telling me all about her escapades- having dinner and drinks with neighbours, having her niece over, all while we were cleaning her restaurant.
All while we’re still being furloughed by the way- it was almost like if you didn’t comply exactly you were let go. Furlough gone.
So then work starts up again, and it’s horrific. We’re skeleton staff and we are super busy, it’s unbearable. The owner organises unpaid trial shifts for the weekend- having to essentially train new folks up on your busiest days is shit hard.
I finish my masters project and agree to work full time. Big mistake. I’m doing almost 50hrs a week. I’m exhausted. I’m falling about the place, dropping glasses, injuring myself because I’m so tired. Then the panic attacks start. One day before shift I just start crying and crying. My flatmate tells me he can’t let me go to work like that and phones in sick on my behalf. Then I get an angry text that was posted into the work group chat. “If you’re going to phone in sick at least do it 2hrs before your shift and at least have the decency to tell me in person”.
Another quick incident being I had accidentally taken the keys to the staff room home with me after asking if it was ok. My phone had died, and I get home and begin relaxing. Then my partner starts receiving Facebook message requests from my boss telling me to come back with the keys. I drive up (about 5 mins) and drop them off. They ask me for a lift to their car to say sorry and I oblige. After I drop them off I start having another panic attack. Thankfully my partner came with me, he tells me he doesn’t want to see me like this anymore, I tell him I can’t just quit.
They take on new staff and we have a new manager, things seem slightly easier.
One day, the chefs girlfriend comes in to try his cooking. I jokingly tell him that he’s punching above his weight and he takes major issue. He tells the owner. And the owner pulls me aside to tell me she doesn’t think I’m respecting authority and that I’ve really upset the chef and they don’t think I’m respecting them because of needing sick days. I start crying- the new manager sends me home to take care of myself. I should have quit then and there.
Then like 2 days later the new manager who only just started put in his notice. He was open with me about it and explained he wasn’t doing well mentally and I respect him for that. I tell him I’m not long for this either. We had a nice relationship and I hope he’s doing better now in a better position.
I write a one week notice (which is all I needed in my “contract”) and hand it to the owner. I lie and tell them I have another job lined up, I don’t I’m just flying into the wind. I had interviews, no doubt something will go my way.
The owner tries to guilt me into staying “we’ve had such a hard time during the pandemic, can’t you stay longer? It’s been so rough for hospitality” I decline. My last day comes, it’s the day before my graduation for my degree! I leave, have a cry and blast free woman by lady gaga.
Not even 2 days after I’d left I’m offered a new job in a big business, normal working hours, it’s super easy going. I didn’t have to worry financially and I’m very lucky. I’m on my break one day at this new position and I see a message from my ex-boss the owner of the restaurant. “I heard from x that you didn’t have a new job lined up, how dare you. You could have given more notice. We didn’t know you were looking, you have no respect for us or the business”. I’m furious. I’m shaking. I’m panicked. How very dare they. I block her on all social media, same with her wife (one of the chefs and Co owner). I leave it, let it go. Vent my feelings into a note app and leave it there.
Almost 10 months later I have given up my job in the business and have saved enough to travel for a few months. I’m currently island hopping in Croatia and I’m having a lovely time. I was burnt out as I essentially worked my whole way through university then jumped into a career and I was just so tired. Everyone who knows me sees I am much happier now.
So that brings us to today. Im messaging the kind lady who owns the apartment we’re renting asking if we can do another load of laundry. I see another message on WhatsApp from a number- it’s not a contact. “How are you? I see you’re doing a lot of travelling” I open it and zoom in on the message and it’s the owner of the restaurant. I’m just a bit shocked, I want nothing to do with her. Why message me after almost a year? What do I do?
Anyway thanks for letting me vent. It ended up being much longer than I thought so I appreciate that you made it this far.