My grandfather passed away last fall during the delta wave of covid. He caught it and was in the hospital about a month, with most of that time being on a ventilator (before anyone asks, he was vaccinated, healthy, and wore a mask, just an unlucky breakthrough infection). It was a rough time for myself and my family.
He lived only a few minutes away growing up, so I saw him multiple times a week as a child, sometimes every day of the week. We were very close and I'm tearing up writing this just thinking about him. I didn't see him quite as often after college, but every time I was nearby I would always stop in to spend time. When I called him in the hospital before he was put on the vent, he said to just pray for my grandma because he was more worried about her than himself.
To get back to how this relates to work, I work a generic office job and live over 2 hours away. My company provides fifteen days of PTO a year, which is better than any past job I've had, but this is for all PTO, vacation or sick-days or medical appointments or anything else. My company also provides two days bereavement for a grandparent passing.
Throughout the time he was in the hospital in isolation, I was constantly worried about him, but I took no time off. I couldn't go see him in person. I would have liked to spend time with my family or just spend time not jumping between work stress and worry stress. But my PTO is limited and valuable, so I kept working and waiting, getting daily updates from my family.
The minute I heard he was out of isolation from covid, I took the rest of the day off to drive up and spend the day at the hospital with him. We knew he wasn't doing well. He was still on the vent and not responsive even when they took off the sedatives to try and have him wake up. I wanted to spend the rest of the week there. Or the next two weeks. Or three weeks. Or however long he had left or until he woke up.
But the doctors said it was a waiting game. He was stable. Not getting better or worse. Not waking up. The doctors were compassionate and answered all our questions. But in the end we just had to wait and see what happened. My parents lived nearby so they were able to visit everyday. Though they both had work so they were in and out each day. And I wanted to stay. But I didn't know how long this would be. Every PTO day I used here was a PTO day I couldn't use for vacation or spend time with family around holidays or to save for when I was sick. This was October and I had maybe a third of my PTO left for the year. So I stayed the one day then went back home for work that night.
Eventually the family decided to remove the vent because he wasn't getting better and we didn't think he would want to stay on it. So I took a day of PTO and drove up to be there the day the were going to take off the vent. Once they took off him off the vent, the doctors didn't know how long he would last. It could be hours, maybe a couple days. But I was going to be there for the rest of it. I hated that I wasn't there in the intervening time. I hate that he had a moment alone in the hospital without a family member by his side. I stayed the night at the hospital with him and he ended up passing the next day.
I used one of the days of bereavement for that second day I was with him after I stayed overnight. I used the other day of bereavement for the funeral. And that's all the time I took off for this entire ordeal. Four days. Three at the hospital (out of the many days he was there) and one for the funeral.
I feel like he was cheated. We could have had a family member by his side every day he was in the hospital after he was out of isolation. I wanted to be there. But I was forced to choose between using my PTO for that or having it for everything else.
And I don't know if I did the right thing. I'm sure some people would have just used up all the PTO and given the company the finger. Maybe that was the right thing to do. I know my grandpa would have told me what I did was okay. But I feel sick when I think about it.
And it's fucked up that I feel a little lucky that I was able to be there for the few days I was there. My brothers had non-office jobs that were less forgiving than me. One had just started a new trade job an hour away and was able to stop by a couple times but could never stay for long. Other cousins that I know would have liked to be there weren't able to be there at all because of distance and work.
Of all people I feel like I shouldn't complain. My work offers good benefits relative to any other job I've had. I make a 55k salary, have a 401k, good healthcare plan, and those 15 days of PTO. The company culture is fine and my boss if nice. And I feel lucky to have this much. But I also feel like I've been conditioned to think this is good. I didn't feel like I had the freedom to drop everything for a couple weeks when my grandpa/role model for my entire life was sick.
I don't know. It felt good to vent and wright this all down. I'm sure there are countless stories much more horrible with how people were impacted by work and covid. But this was hard on me.
TL:DR
My grandfather got covid and was in the hospital for weeks before he passed. Because my PTO is limited, I only spent a few days visiting him instead of being there the whole time like I wanted to.
Edit for spelling.