Title, basically.
I work in a tiny business of 2 people. The boss and me. When a day looks like it's going to be slow based on phone activity, he doesn't come in.
I'm left to man the fort. On a medium day this is fine, I like to self direct and not worry about assessment by a superior.
On a truly slow day though? I might spend 7 hours without seeing another person, without a single actual task to complete. Just meandering around in circles trying to find something to organize, or else sitting on my ass looking at the same 150 posts on Reddit on loop all day.
Sometimes this triggers a sensation of apathy and boredom so powerful in me that it suddenly overwhelms me. I feel a tiny black hole open and collapse in my abdomen and briefly can't imagine doing anything other than crying, before my mind locks it down and I feel nothing again.
On my drive home I scream any time i'm reasonably sure I won't be seen or heard. Sometimes I don't even care if I am. I just need to prove to myself that I actually exist. So I scream as loud and as long as I physically can.
This is the best paying, most casual, most educational job I've ever had. I can't give it up for anything like the work I was doing before, financially or emotionally. But I think I'm actually going insane at this job.
Idk. What do?