Sorry if this isn't the right place for this. I'm not really sure where to go.. will try to keep it short…
Been at my company over a decade and allowed multiple positions to be consolidated into mine. Corporate company. Job is heavily/negatively affected by covid (supply/transportation issues), and I was already drowning prior to. Think of me as middle management with shit pay. A similar location had 8 employees doing my job. Manager keeps changing. Though kind (I'm lucky for that) we don't know each other well and haven't worked together long. Manager's I've had can't do my job and readily admit it…
The people I end up reporting to are great. Some of people I'm responsible to support are awful. Gaslighting, manipulation and straight up lies. No concept of what it takes to get things done and constantly trying to squeeze more of, and guilt me into doing more. One in particular with no conscious or morals, is toxic to my well being and makes me feel physically sick.
Recently became a whistle blower and deeply regretting it. The one employee in particular, is trying to get me fired. Reputations are in my favor, but he's profit and I'm overhead so I'm scared. Nothing to low for this one, he's an evil guy who bullshits so well. HR allegations on both sides, but I haven't lied or exaggerated, which makes me feel I'll come out the loser here. Can barely function at work due to the stress of this drama/toxicity and the job itself, which is literally getting harder each day. Having difficulty thinking, eating (very underweight rn), sleeping well also.
Few days after shit hits the fan at work/I find out I'm being targeted by this employee, I find a previous health issue has come back after 9 years of mostly okayness. I was already not well mentally due to the work incidents… I had already told my boss I'm overwhelmed, beyond frustrated and quality of my work deteriorating. Boss did what they could to help, we both know it's not enough. Now health concerns are added to my stress.
I'm in therapy too, it's not cheap but I need to do it to survive the stress of my job. They're of course not paying for this, so there's that plus whatever med bills are coming. I could probably find another job but am scared of not having medical, as I know I'll need surgery again. It's not likely I'll die from this any time soon, but I'm still doing testing so can't rule it out and super anxious/stressed out about that.
Therapist strongly urging me to take leave of absence, for my health and well-being but I'm scared. I won't be around to defend myself, I'll be more behind in my work when I return, I'm worried I'll get fired and I have no idea how it works with taking leave (do I even get paid)?
Basically I'm falling apart and don't know what to do. I hate my job and I'm failing at everything, while my body is failing also. If anyone experience with medical leave of absence or any advice please lmk. Thank you for reading this.