I realized a large portion of why I am so depressed is because life simply is not enjoyable. There isn't enough time, nor is there enough money, to work on my mental health and reconnect with the relationships that give me purpose.
Driving into work today, I realized that I, like billions of others, spend 8+ hours a day working in a job that depletes me. I spend an hour a day commuting to, and from, said depleting job. I spend half an hour in the morning getting ready for said job. I sleep for 8 hours out of the day (on a good day.) That leaves me 7.5 waking hours to do the dishes, clean up the house, take my dog to the dog park for a decent amount of time so that she is happy, go grocery shopping, shower and cook then eat dinner.
Come time for the weekend I feel exhausted and but try to get as much fresh air as possible on Saturdays, only to feel the existential dread of Monday rapidly approaching on Sundays.
Only to live PAYCHEQUE to PAYCHEQUE.
I refuse to do this until the day I die. I refuse to do this until I'm 70-80 only to die shortly after.