I'm almost 40 and just keep coming back to the same conclusion. I don't think I can ever be happy when the majority of my days/waking hours are spent doing something I do not want to do.
There's a deleted scene from the very end of Office Space when Peter is outside, at his new construction job, and his new boss walks up and is basically the blue-collar version of his previous boss. That kinda gives the movie a totally different spin and you wonder if Peter will ever actually be happy.
I'll be starting a new job soon. I've been in my field for over a decade and, comparatively, the offer is objectively great. Better environment, significant salary raise, better benefits. When the opportunity came up, I was a little blinded by it – partly because of the pros of the job but also because it distracted me from the grim outlook and pointlessness of my current job.
But now I'm realizing it's just another job. Another place I need to go for most of my days and deal with an industry and people I don't want to deal with. The last few years have put my family in debt and I have to make this move to dig us out. But the whole thing is still so soul-crushing.
So what can we/I do about it?
I can go back on meds and become more of a zombie with no libido.
I can continue to self-medicate with alcohol and week-long vacations where the second half of the week is spent dreading the return to monotony.
I will just continue this until I die. I don't expect to live until old age at the rate I'm going but that's not much of a relief.
In the past, there may have been an option to uproot my family, lower our standard of living, and move to a more affordable area. That option doesn't appear feasible any longer.
When I wonder to others whether it's all worth it, they will bring up my family/kids. I'll just say I'm a very lucky person and I know it. But, I don't know if it's worth it. The energy that is exhausted for 40 hours each week leaves little for them which just reinforces how shitty this whole system is. I spend my weekend just thinking about how fucked up it is that I have no energy to really enjoy my actual life and dreading the return to work.