Hi all
This is my first post here, and I'm hoping for some advice/perspectives because I'm really struggling. I will try to formulate it as succinctly as I can and not ramble too much, but apologies if I do.
Background
I work in an admin role. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year which explains a lot of the issues I'm having (and have always had) with focus, motivation and severe, crippling boredom as well as the inability to sit through long meetings. It's hard to explain to someone without ADHD, but it's not just unpleasant, it can be downright distressing.
That said, I don't think I can blame it all on my ADHD. I just hate boring jobs and I know I'm capable of more in life. I actually started my own little business, creating training that aims to simplify complex tech subjects and break them down into plain English for administrators (since our job role will be changing a lot in the next few years and these skills will be more in demand). I have enjoyed creating it, can spend hours on it without needing a break, and I'm about to start marketing it, but it's not bringing in any income…yet. I had a couple of people try out the course and it got great feedback.
The sick leave
I went off sick in March. I was depressed, and I couldn't carry on any more. I won't go into detail but I just woke up one morning and thought 'I can't do this anymore'. I didn't have it in me to do one more day. The Dr signed me off. The company is very generous with their sick leave and treated me very sensitively so I can't fault them there. We get four months paid sick leave (and a further four months at half pay), and I took 3 months. When I returned to work, I returned to the same role but in a different department. I was hoping it would be enough of a change to keep me interested for a while, but I'm already so bored and getting to that same point where I know I'm going to wake up soon and not be able to bring myself to do another day.
The ADHD and remote working conversations prior to my return.
I'm in Manchester, UK, so ADHD is actually considered a disability and employers have to make reasonable adjustments. I spoke about these reasonable adjustments with HR while I was on sick leave. We were all in agreement that I would only go into the office for essential meetings and work from home the rest of the time. So that would be about 1-2 times per month. I even had an occupational health assessment where they reinforced that. This assessment report was shared with HR, who shared it with my new boss. No concerns were raised.
Things took a turn though, shortly before I was due to return. I had another catch up with HR and this time the message felt slightly different. He said they now had a policy where staff would be required to work 40% of the time in the office and if I wanted anything different I'd have to formally request it. The 40% thing kicks in in August, so until then I could continue to be fully remote and then fill out my flexible working request prior to August. He added that 40% in the office was a really generous benefit compared to other companies. I responded with “yeah, but this isn't about benefits for me. It's about managing a disability” and his tone went back to sympathetic again, but it was enough of a red flag for me to think the message might be changing.
On my return
My new boss wanted me to go into the office on the first day to meet him and other team members, which I agreed to and did. It was a total waste of time. I spent half an hour talking with people, and then 3 hours sitting at my desk doing work I could do from home. And I got a LOT less done.
My boss said '”it's much nicer to come in and meet face to face, so pick a day each week where I'm in, and come in that day.” He also wants me to come in for all-staff meetings. 2 hours long, confined to sitting in a room, to receive information I could get via email. This is extremely difficult for me. I can't do 2 hour, passive, listening meetings, especially in person. All because senior management think it's good for us to socialise and eat muffins.
I had a check in with HR as part of my return to work, and in it I explained my concerns that all of the things I've outlined over the past couple of months aren't being taken into consideration or respected as I was told they would be. I explained about the meetings, and not wanting or needing to be in the office except for specific circumstances, and he said “I agree to an extent, but….” and then I just tuned out. I knew there and then that despite everything they've said over the past few weeks, I'm going to be expected to do whatever they want regardless of how it impacts me and my ADHD.
Reddit, I don't know what to do. Or what I can do. I can white-knuckle it through, but that's what I did before and I became depressed and anxious before I just couldn't take it any more. I could go off on sick leave for a month and look for another job and I imagine that once I hand in my 4 weeks' notice they wouldn't make me work it (I've seen them do that with other people) so in theory I could get 2 months off to find something else. But I would feel guilty to go off on sick leave after not being back long. I'd feel like I was lazy and taking advantage of their generosity, even though this is causing me genuine anxiety. There's also no guarantee I'd find a new job in time, especially one that allows me to WFH.
I would like to think that I could spend the next couple of months marketing my business but again, there are no guarantees. I will say though, that my mental health was so markedly better when I was on sick leave that I became extremely productive. Now I'm back at work I can feel the mood change and it's impacting on how much I'm able to work on my training stuff outside of work. I'm holding it together, but barely.
I would just like some perspectives on this. I'm too much in the middle of it to tell if I'm being unreasonable or even unethical if I were to go back on sick leave for a further month. (As an aside, I'm one of these people who feels guilty for taking a sick day, even if I can't even get out of bed. It's just embedded in me I guess. I don't want to not want to go to work, but here we are.)
FWIW, I fulfil every requirement of my role. I was even given an award for my work last year (while working remotely during lockdown!)
So, if you were in my shoes what would you do? Am I missing anything glaringly obvious?
TL:DR Thought I could work remotely due to ADHD, but I'm being pressured to go into the office even though it has a well-documented negative effect on my wellbeing. Considering going on sick leave (again) while I figure out an alternative.