Hello people,
I'm sorry if this is not the right subreddit for these kind of questions, Im just asking for your honest opinion and an advise. I felt comfortable in this subreddit so I decided to leave my note here.
I have one strange, pretty much common question for human nature, but however, I would like to share something with you.
I mean this whole story would not have it's value if we didn't take some time to dig into my past. When I was young, I was a pretty happy child but since then I've been on my point of view that is different from a lot of people, don't get me as a show off since if that was the case I wouldn't type this at all. My life ain't no rainbow day, I don't feel depressed more likely constantly stressed. I am born and live in Bosnia, that's to be honest a country mostly similar to Ukraine. Corrupt, crime and a lot more… Almost near the war, the situation is getting worse and worse. I'm 22 years old and I always dreamed about leaving Bosnia, moving to the Netherlands. I don't speak Dutch, but have you ever felt that you… Just belong there?
That's how I feel whenever I think of the Netherlands
I work a pretty boring job. Customer support for Shell Energy but my problem is not a job nor has ever been since life forced me to work since I was 15…
+ I watched Cartoon Network so I speak English, I guess haha
My parents are drug addicts, the only thing that I kinda use is weed, but that's the herb, so not a drug from my point of view.
However I have very catchy surname and to be honest in my country it never brought me anything good, since I had to struggle through the middleschool. I had a rhythm 4 years of my life repetitive schedule.. Wake up, go to school, go to work, go home, pay the rent and bills. Repeat..
And since I mentioned that I started working at age of 15.
I would like to mention my hero, my grandmother that raised me, my family has very, but very unclear relationships.
I have two sisters they are pretty much rich, traveled almost and Im not kidding entirely world. On the other side I mentioned my parents, pretty much decision making level primal ape, but none of my business everyone has an option.
In the every smile that I share in this world is because of one woman and she's been a very nice person, my grandmother. She passed away when I was 15 and since then everything seems to fall apart for me, separation, street, hunger. No one cared for real for me.. However I did not give up, many many nights without a warm blanket, many tears but I seem to used my tears to let it out so I can fight more for brighter tomorrow.
Never knew that I'm fighting for nothing.
I am a person that hates to be alone, I would constantly hang out, I am not a creep nor i would harm people (Only if they try to attack me). I love people, no matter how much in their eyes I can sense the bitter intentions. However throughout my life I had to mentally strengthen but that came with it's own price. I have no mental peace, so my mental health meant keeping up. I lost my interests since I have no enough to cover all the expenses, not asking, nor would accept anything besides the advise and that keeps me out of track. Which lane is the correct one if you don't have a backup plan? Would love with my entire soul to become a pilot, no enough money for the necessary education. I want to become expert in 3D modelling (Blender) but I can run Tetris on my Xeon E5430
So, my problem is that I'm not motivated, somewhat unhappy and didn't catch up with the latests trends nor I have ever tried to… However, we say that we are not emotionally vulnerable and we constantly repeat that we do love ourselves and similar, I don't see it that way, also every woman has a price, why is there always a secret intention in peoples behaviours?
I found that I don't feel love anymore, I lost interest in everything and everything seems to be just an automated mechanical movements that I do while stressing myself out.
How do you make friends?
How do you keep people entertained?
How can you fake smile into someone and call him/her friend?
Any tips on how to move from Bosnia to the Netherlands?
Give me your opinion on should I visit a psychiatrist?
What would you do if you have been in my situation?