I apologize in advance for the possible longevity and crass nature of this post.
I believe that anyone with any authority to dictate someone else's life should be forced to survive without outside help, on their own, before taking the position in question.
First a little about myself. Throughout my entire life when given a 'fork in the road' I have always chosen the absolutely hardest path that I could. I've never know why that was until yesterday. I can assure that I have been down some absolutely horrible roads as well as some that really helped me grow as a human. A couple of examples:
At 18, my parent left the state and I chose to stay behind and figure things out myself. Literally less than a solid year out of high school I was absolutely alone in a state that no other member of my family lived in. My parent moved 6 hours away. I will admit that i had around 800 dollars to my name. 18 year old kid in 2001 with 800 bucks. I will let you imagine what sort of dwelling I was forced to live in. Honestly $800 was 2 months rent, so that should tell you even more. After those 2 months I found out what the world was.
There are many times that I thought, “why have i done this to myself?” but eventually I was able to land a job that was pretty brutal to my body. $5.75 an hour with a typical week consisting of 55 hours, 6 days a week. It was enough to afford an efficiency apartment, bills and have around 60-80 dollars a week for whatever extra things I needed. During this time I was surrounded by people like me. People that didn't have shit. There is an honesty that people who are dead broke have with themselves. At least I felt that. I don't know if you have ever actually struggled to survive in a world where you realize that pretty much no-one around you cares if you live or die, but it is eye opening to say the least.
Fast forward 2 or 3 years of rinse and repeat and I find out that I could possibly become a father in 9 months. If you have ever felt a deep urge to do something that you can see no possible path for then you can maybe comprehend what this feels like. Think of the dream that you have where you can fly, but not that high. For some reason, no matter how hard you try you can never fly upward. This is what that desperation feels like, but every minute of every day. I understand why people sometimes do shit tier things. Sometimes, it's because they think that they have to. Sometimes, it's the only way out.
I was no different and for me doing dirt was the only way out. I sold weed like it was going out of style. As much as I possibly could, as fast as I could do it. Early 2000's the reg was king and if you knew the person you should know it was fairly cheap. I literally turned 20 dollars into $2500 in 3 months (thank you old people). I was king shit for a bit, but I always realized that every time I went out that door I was rolling the dice and that is not something you want to do very often. Everyone craps out eventually. While I was grinding and getting ready to peace out this child was born. Maybe a month or so before I was going to set sail. A bunch of white trashy shit went down and I was led to believe that the kid wasn't mine.
Please do not get me wrong, during these times I genuinely had fun often. I had established a circle that I liked and we kicked it on the regular. Now I'm 23 and have to choose: back to fun or skip town. Deuces on everything and everyone I knew. I was able to live with good ole mom for a bit, and I am truly thankful for that. I know that just because of this I was more fortunate than a lot of people that I had to leave behind. Trade school baby, pell grant, 22 months, no debt. BTW, IDK if pell grants are as accessible as they once were, but if you feel stuck that is a door that could possibly lead you somewhere.
The other time in my life I would like to share as an example is when I'm 28. I have my foot in the door at a highly respected firm in the industry that I work in. Que more white trashy shit, I find out this child was mine, more white trashy shit. It's literally myself and my child in a city that while close to “home” It isn't close enough for me to go back more than a handful of times over the years. The other parent is local to me but is not in any situation to substantially help out in any capacity other than having the kid for 2 nights a week. Again I know that even though we had trouble being civil with each other, I was fortunate that the other parent was able to do that. So, for a few years life was even more difficult than when I was 18. I'm paying 400+ dollars a month for daycare and out of pocket for 2 night classes a quarter while working full time at said respected firm. I could not afford the books to the classes but I was blessed with a pretty good memory. Regurgitating information for an exam has never been difficult for me. I literally woke up at 5:30 and laid my head down at 11 pm usually unbathed and absolutely exhausted. No fun whatsoever was had during this time other than being able to watch my child grow up in an environment that was warm and loving. And for that I am truly thankful.
The industry that I chose for my career, I had heard, was lucrative and not many people were signing up. The initial offer of the firm for my employment was about 60% of the offer that they stated to the school when they tried to recruit graduating students. This was really disheartening but it offered me the opportunity to gain industry knowledge and gave me the funds needed to pay for my schooling. Eventually the old man boss started helping me pay, but at the absolute lowest slot on the totem pole I took everything on myself. Every bit of it. I will stand up in that all day and you can kiss my dick if you think I am kidding. The industry that I am in requires a bachelor's degree and so many hours of specialized courses. Which I had obtained at the trade school I attended. Those items AND 4 years of apprenticeship. That my friends, is a fat fucking stack of bullshit to walk through for anything I assure you. I have learned all the appropriate laws, procedures and history of this industry and I am actively aching for guidance that my boss, the head of this firm, is going to give me.
Side note: the boss was now the kid of the old man. The old man was an asshole to say the least. but I'm pretty sure he understood something his kid never would and still doesn't to this day. At the end of the day I have a lot of respect for the old man and steadily declining respect for his kid that, truth be told, is like 6 years older than me. After literal years of trying to please this man, I eventually had to give up on the actual craft of my industry. The craft is what he was trying to teach me. Apparently that means his opinion on the matter. Our opinions differ. For whatever reason every single time I tried to apply this craft, and there were many times, I was told I was wrong. I was young enough to believe it. The guy telling me this shit is the literal president of the board for the industry in my state. Surely he can guide me. After you are told you are wrong for so long, brother, you are wrong and there is nothing you will do to change that in your head. It took me seeing how he adjusted my opinion to his own and seeing the absolutely miniscule differences in those adjustments to see the truth. This guy is so absolutely full of himself that he can not be wrong ever. I watched him push another bright person out with lowball payment after this particular individual obtained his license. This guy was way more business savvy than me, different upbringing, different line walked, maybe less empathetic than myself but a generally ok person. He bolted a few years ago and started establishing himself in the industry.
I'm the new guy at the firm still at 15 years in. Well, to be honest, there is another guy who has been there for 7 but he is 'just a field hand'. He's a friend to me. All of those guys that have been there so long busting their asses in the heat, cold, whatever. More than 15 fucking years. All of them are absolute legends in my eyes. They and people like them are the backbone of this fucking country. I understand them and their struggle on a level that bossguy never will.
Yesterday I quit my job. I am no longer subscribing to any human on this planet that has not had to view the world through the same sort of lenses as me. Honestly, I quit my job and I haven't signed onto any other one. My boss, at the end of the day, has had to work to get where he is. There is no doubting that. He has never had to struggle. He has never had to break his back to barely scrape by. He was 'juiced in' to this industry and relies heavily on the good ole buddy buddy system. A system that I will never get behind. He doesn't understand why after all this time that I'm leaving after all those years and one easily passed test away from my PLS. It's because of the rot that I saw when I peeked over the edge. It's because of the growing hate that I feel toward myself after seeing him put both of his kids through private school while he disregarded every family of his employees. Private schools are where people like my boss send their kids to learn how to take advantage of kids like mine. I've never had 20k at the end of the year to spend on my kid. Never had 5k. I live check to check like I have since I was 18. Im 39 now. While she's never done without as a parent you want to give them the world and to that extent I can sort of see why the guy does what he does but it's not right by any means. Mostly of all it's because I know that if given the opportunity I would absolutely sacrifice myself to burn the entire motherfucking industry to the ground. Hey board guys, if you're wondering why the average professional in my industry is over the age of 55 is because of the grueling ass path you have forced anyone to take to get it. That little ass weenie at the end of the stick ain't what you tell yourself it is and it never will be. Please get your head out of your ass, because I think you may be losing brain cells due to suffocation.
I have never asked for more than I felt I was due at any point of my life. And let me tell you the line I have walked to get where I am in, BFE, Louisiana, has been a fucking grueling one, but I've picked up on some pretty cool stuff along the way and met some fine people. I have had a few interviews, and, well…..
'I want to thank you for arranging the interview today with ***. Unfortunately I do not see our priorities aligning at this time. Specifically, I was asked a question of, if I were able to work fulltime how much would I want. It was implied that during this 40 hours I would be given enough work to actually be working for the entire time. I answered honestly. If i were to ever be in such a situation, which, let's be real, probably would never exist in reality. 100k a year. That would absolutely be on the low end in such a situation. Your people seemed to be taken aback. That is because they do not understand what I am saying. I am ready to work, period. This job is not complicated in the slightest to me, and honestly I am tired of watching people act like it is. Also, I am absolutely done being punished for being efficient. I have sat in an office for 13+ years twiddling my thumbs and refuse to do that any longer. I apologize for the crassness of this message but that is how I honestly feel. Again, thank you very much for scheduling the interview.'
This is my response to the interview I had yesterday.
This country is ruled by people like the turdburger I unsubscribed from yesterday. These folks will never understand what it's like to be one of their employees. Ever. And I spent the vast majority of the last week wracking my brain trying to think of a way to get through to him. He is simply and absolutely incapable of seeing people as anything else than dollar signs. Ultimately I respect his work but I hate his fucking guts and he will never understand why.
A little more about me: This isn't to elicit pity from anyone because fuck your pity. I genuinely hate being around people. I try to keep people away because if I care about them I feel obligated to protect them. I've had undiagnosed and very debilitating anxiety and depression my entire life that stems from shit I saw when I was a child done by people who were supposed to love me. Some really bad shit. Yes, I know that it's not my fault but unfortunately I can't just stop remembering it. I say this because every time I've ever had to walk into a classroom, meeting, industry gathering I have had to suppress the urge to vomit and remind myself to breathe so that my legs don't stop working again. I people but I love everyone in a way that I could never explain to you. Let people live their lives and be supportive of them as they walk their line. You all owe that to one another.
That rot that I saw is killing everything good about this country and the people in it. And it doesn't even recognize itself. I believe that rot scales up to absolutely every aspect of our society. Any person with power that hasn't been forced to see the world through the lense of every class should not have power over any of them OR, you know, I'm wrong about it all, whatev.