Wall of text warning, this has been bugging me for two days since it happened so I gotta get it out:
I am 32 years old and a carpenters “apprentice”. I finally feel that I have found a “job” that I love and aspire to do for a long time and want to get better at. It’s a fantastic feeling.
The company is run by two partners, and one of them (E) is a decent guy, whom I like, but he can be a prick sometimes, mostly to me. Other boss (A) has his days but is a good teacher and we all usually get along.
I get it, I’m the new(ish) guy and I like busting balls and joking around as much as the next person but I also know the difference between a joke and scolding/reprimanding. I’m not confrontational, I won’t let someone bully me but I can take a lot of shit before I blow up/react in a way that might cause an issue. In the time I’ve worked with this company and have started with basically 0 knowledge about what they do, I’ve made very few detrimental mistakes (so far) that weren’t easily fixed and I feel like I have an eye for detail, I never do something without asking questions first so as to do it right, if I’m wrong I own up to it, always put in the extra mile for them working a lot of hours and weekends over the last year, typical go get em’ shit. It’s my pleasure, as I enjoy the work and learning the trade.
Boss (E) has made comments in the past, usually via text, that seem to be scolding me for “not thinking” about things that I assume are obvious to everyone else, comments like “you need to shape up”, and other things of the sort. For example, I once brought a miter saw to a job site that didn't have the sharpest blade, his response was a long text that told me to “shape up, and start thinking about these things.” This happened like 3 months into my tenure as a carpenter, and I was never told to “think about things” like that. But I noted it, shrugged it off and went on, I understood.
I am not a person who can’t take criticism constructively or negatively. I just want to understand what I did wrong and what I can do to fix it, yet there’s never a solution to these “things I need to think about”, only vague criticism. Often I’m left confused as to what I’ve done to get feedback like this, and my other coworker has expressed the same thing to me when I’ve talked with him about it/him witnessing it. I get that as a newer person, and someone younger than him, I can be a scapegoat.
The other day I ask another coworker a question, a rather obvious question but a legitimate one nonetheless, he gives me a sarcastic answer, we laugh a little. Boss (E), standing close by, says in a very annoyed and scolding tone, “you need to start using your head man, I don’t wanna hear this shit anymore.”
I go on to defend myself and explain what I meant by the question I asked, maybe with some colorful words but nothing insulting. I felt proud for finally sticking up for myself with him, it wasn’t some crazy outburst, just a “hey man, it was a question, fuck you”. The other guys kind’ve laughed it off and bosses left for the day.
I get a text 5 minutes later from him saying I don’t need to be so sensitive and I need to have a thicker skin, that I need to learn how to take some ball busting and said I seemed butt hurt. I played it off that I was just trying to give him shit right back, which I was, but it didn’t matter. To him I was just a butt hurt kid and it was the classic “don’t get so defensive” bullshit.
I know the difference between ball busting and not. This was not. None of what he’s said to me over the last year has ever come across as ball busting/joking and my coworkers RARELY joke around. It's always been reprimanding and criticism, with no solutions or constructiveness and for me defending myself and standing up to bullshit, I get gaslit. I thought I would finally earn some respect and show that I’m not some docile person who you can just fuck with over and over but it didn’t really do much.
I love this job, the company is rad and I like what we do. However I just have too much built up resentment for this dude. I’m looking around for other work and will probably take an offer if it’s right.
Sorry if this isn’t the right place for this and if I am just rambling, but this has been bugging me for a few days. Dude sucks all the fun out of the room and I'm over it.
Chubaw the sensitive carpenter over here.