Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Working and growing with your fantastic company and being a major team player and active component in making you a millionaire whilst I work 40+ hours with low work/life balance and crappy benefits. I also hope to stroke out or have a heart attack because the work is so stressful and I can barely survive on the salary you provide.
Why should we hire you? Well, you fucking brought me here after reading my fucking resume, so there must be a reason you are wasting my time and yours. It must be that I have the skills to perform this job based on my skillset, right? It's a good decision for you and for me, clearly. THIS IS THE DUMBEST FUCKING QUESTION.
What would your superpower be? To be able to fly the fuck away from this interview to the bar to have a drink to dampen the stress you are causing me asking such stupid fucking questions. Or, to make myself invisible so I can see you talk to your supervisor about how you don't how I look, my age, my gender, etc. Ya know, all the illegal things said behind closed doors.
What's your biggest weakness? Applying for jobs with people who ask me such stupid questions. Biggest weakness? I did not play the right numbers at the lottery to win 1M dollars so I don't have to answer bizarre questions. Weakness? I'm bitter, misanthropic and believe the world is going to implode w/in 100 years. How's that? Is that weak enough?