Me (40M) working as an engineer in Canada. I have worked my way up to Director level in a decent sized company and have several divisions reporting into me. I always get marked as a high performer now that I finally figured out the correct level of bullshit and fakeness to be successful in the corporate environment. I make ~200K a year, and put in 45-50 hours every week, which I have been doing for the last 15 years. My wife is a professional who also makes 6 figures and puts in similar hours. Several kids with these hours make life an absolute chore most of the time.
I make decent money, a “fancy” job, have decent quality of life, family, 2 cars, expensive home…the “dream life” on paper. It should be noted that i have very high expenses due to child care and thus do not have a lot of extra cash.
My problem is, is this all there is? I know we should be happy, but I can't help but thinking we would be happier if we had less stuff/stress and more free time. I'm just tired of work, I don't want to do it anymore, none of it. There is no dream job, I want to relax, spend time with my family and enjoy nature. Whey do I have to get up at 6am 5 days a week, get home 12 hours later just to survive and save a little for retirement. I don't want to manage people, they're awful. But the stress of not working hard and providing everything I can for my family eats at me. I'm going to work this stupid fucking job, or worse yet, get a promotion and make more money but have even less time, but sure as fuck I'll take it . Seriously fuck this.
I'm not lazy, I've always worked hard. But this constant search for “more” is exhausting.
Does anybody else feel this way? How do you deal with the existential dread of the hamster wheel?