Edit: Spelling.
To preface: I'm a pretty shy, low assistance ASD adult. It's hard for me to be up front about things, or people, that bother me. Sometimes, I act before thinking because situations, people, or places are a lot to take in. I try to be honest with people I trust about this, so they don't think I'm a weirdo…
…I previously worked a job with a medical facility as front office staff. There, I was afforded the title of “Medical Records”, but really I did everything just shy of authorizations. I was placing referrals, while scheduling, uploading CTs or MRIs, coming in on weekends to finish other offices' work, and helping with hospital billing. So, I was a “Jack Of All Trades”, to say the least. I liked to keep myself busy, and I had a routine. It was comfortable, save for the few times I was placed somewhere else and was honest with my boss about being overwhelmed (i.e. checking in a completely new patient with no existing chart, with a phone blasting in my ear as it rang nonstop- at my own desk, the ringer is off. The red light blinking catches my attention instead. The ringing and talking to strangers face to face sets me off like no other) and having “a moment”. She appreciated the honesty, told me to be transparent with her, and I told her I would.
It took me a year and a half up until this point to be comfortable with my coworkers, surroundings, routine, etc. But, I think I did a hell of a job. My doctors appreciated me. I grew to love my patients.
Well… despite being so comfortable, I did, however, loathe some things about that job; moving between departments while changing my schedule (this is the big one. I'm very upfront about anxiety and transportation. I blacked out once behind the wheel of my car, and I came to bawling, in a full blown panic attack. For this, I have reliable transportation, but I have to work with them schedule-wise), as well as being used by less-willing coworkers to finish their work- i.e. posting patient charges, taking over the hospital billing originally meant for someone else, etc.
Two weeks earlier, I'd been a bit peeved with one coworker. She would continously whine about work, while scrolling her phone. When phones rang off the hook, she was chatting up patients at checkout. When I had a question regarding insurance, she'd act so exasperated. It was beginning to wear on me… everyone this woman worked with up front was becoming as lazy or whiny as her. Doctors wouldn't get orders to sign, notes wouldn't be taken for messages, and if she screwed up scheduling a patient- oh. It was okay! Mistakes happen… though, if someone else did the same thing, you'd be led to believe the world was ending, and that person was a moron.
One day, she was on her phone, scrolling through god knows what. I'd been training a few days that week with someone who needed to learn Medical Records. While I was busy multi-tasking, she was chatting with the others about her new apartment with her husband she moved back in with. All I did was plug my phone into my charger- Uber ate my battery, and I forgot to charge it the night before. I forgot to also turn down my phone volume. I get a call on my office phone from my boss' extension; she tells me trainee will be on phones alone, so I can catch up on work. I'm normally never behind. Back to my phone… Well, just shy of putting it down, I feel someone behind me. My boss suddenly speaks up, schooling me as to being on my phone, while my coworker is babbling away up front… the same coworker qho never gets her stuff done. Who whines and gripes. Who is judgmental as all get-out. All while I've busted my ass and still somehow kept my head above water.
Something in me snapped. I was suddenly uncomfortable there. I felt singled out for doing something I'd never been bothered over. My boss never got on me for charging my phone at my desk. And yet, there is my coworker who is never spoken to for much less professional behavior. The culmination of every moment like that one just… boiled over? I felt pissed. And, I was already annoyed: my yearly review never came, so neither had a raise. My boss already talked me out of a transfer once. And, here I was… just mad. Because I felt like no matter what I did, I couldn't get better for what I gave away.
After work, I put in resumes elsewhere. Someone, somewhere, would pay me more for my work. I knew they would. I had two letters of recommendation from doctors I worked closely with. I had references upon references concerning my work ethic.
Not even twenty-four hours later, I get three hits from the same office looking at my resume. And, it's another office down the road from my job. I'm good for that. They're a small internal medicine and pediatric office, 8:30 to 17:30, Monday though Thursday, Fridays are 8:30 to 14:00. It says this in the ad. They eventually call and leave me a message during work hours to schedule an interview. I call back during a small break, arranging an interview for lunchtime.
The interview was smooth; met with the longtime, residental ARNP. She asks what I'm good at. I tell her everything short of authorizations. She asks if I'm good for time, I tell her yes. I explain, though, that I have transportation set up to help me. Otherwise, it's reliable with the schedule explained in the ad. The ARNP states, clearly, “Normally, the Medical Assistants or CNAs stay a bit later, because it's required of them. Front Office leaves at 17:30…. I'll give you (amount) to start, if you start now.”
I explain I want to give two weeks notice to my job, as they are understaffed. She tells me that's reasonable, shows me around, and tells the Admin of the office, in front of me, that my resume states I'm “highly qualified for the position”. Everything seemed well.
I'm elated; more money, more freedom. Better insurance. I'm so excited… the interview was over in 19 minutes, five of those minutes were spent waiting for the ARNP to finish an appointment before me. I call my husband, tell him, and I'm feeling great.
Separating over the next two weeks is hard; first thing, I tell my boss. She is not happy, but she is supportive. She offers me more money for my position. I tell her they offered me more than I currently make. She asks how much. I tell her. She says, “Well, some people like to shoot for the stars”… she is sour. That's fine. I'm a great worker, and she is already short staffed, losing me now, too. She asks if anyone else knows. I tell her I'd rather keep it secret.
Those few I'm close to are sad I'm leaving. I can't say I've felt more connected to people than there. It hits me I will no longer work with those people I adore. And, it hurts. But, they don't pay my bills. They don't support me. And, this is better. Over the next two weeks, my anxiety is spiking. Bad. My boss is not happy I'm leaving. She's a little more on my behind than normal. She nitpicks and micromanages. I try to smile. It's a lot. I'm quieter around the front office… the girls up front try and talk to me. I'm trying to just tell myself it's all good.
It's soon Wednesday morning, the second week of my two week notice. I'm calling some of my patients to reschedule them under my doctor's absence. He's either on-call at the hospital, or he's taking time to himself. Either-or… I am called by my boss. Nitpicking begins, and it's over something I've never even done, or have been told to do. I state I don't handle this. She tells me not to touch it, and to just answer phones, as they are going off like crazy.
That's funny, considering my coworker isn't doing anything. Phones could be answered by her. She could do SOMETHING, instead of complaining. I bite my lip at my desk. I breathe. I'm a little more on edge, because of all the changes taking place, good and bad. I'm reminded how it's a lot. I'm gaining and losing.
Just like before, when I suddenly snapped inside , it's all coming back to me. I get up before lunchtime, go into the office of one woman I trust, and I tell her everything; my feelings, the situation, what's happening. She asks what I'm going to do. I tell her I don't want to do it anymore. She tells me lunch is being catered for the office, and she doesn't want me walking home. A small joke about an Amber Alert is made… I text her as I walk to Starbucks some minutes later, apologizing. I don't know what else to do. I walked out two and a half days earlier than my notice. I just can't handle those feelings…
Hindsight is really 20/20. Could I have handled those feelings better? Certainly. Could I have been more honest about my coworker's habits? Yeah. But, I didn't want to be the reason anyone got in trouble. Everytime I opened my mouth, my throat dried up, and my tongue refused to move.
I have a new job Monday (today, Monday).
I am leaving behind this one for something better.
It will be okay.
I just have to learn how to adapt and be honest.
My husband understands. I tell him I couldn't finish my job. He says it'll be okay. I'll do better Monday. My former coworkers I text tell me that whiny coworker is nothing. No one. I will be okay, they tell me. I got this. My heart hurts. I feel like I really messed this up- leaving one job I've been at a year and a half for something new. That feeling leaves as soon as I come home and cry.
Monday comes. Today. Fast.
I'm dressed. I'm ready. Fifteen minutes early- this is apparently good, as I was told later that we can clock in fifteen minutes earlier. The anxiety I feel is still there; my bowels hurt, and I'm a little shaky, but it'll be okay.
Until it's not okay.
First thing I find out is it is only me and one other young woman working the checkout counter. Now, unlike my old job where people were given one position and a little more to do, I'm told there is multiple jobs from the get go; according to the newly-hired office manager that was there only a month and a half, I will be answering the phone, as I process referrals, checkout patients, check the voice-mail from my email (messages are sent there), and learn Imaging/Radiology authorizations. I hear this right out the gate. And, I've not even heard of how their software for charts differs from the old one I'm used to- they are completely electronic, while I was used to some manual actions such as faxing and writing out referrals. Needless to say, it's a lot to take in… but…
Secondly, new manager assures me everything will be okay! She doesn't expect me to do everything today- she's been there only a month and a half, doesn't know how a “Phone Note” works (it's a message you take and send to whomever), but it'll be fine!… she does want me to look at the reference sheet for daily work. On there, she shows me I have to call a minimum of 30 patients a day for wellness exams and physicals… while still not knowing what my new software I will use even does. I regret suddenly not asking about the training period for work. But, I try and wing it. I get a notebook to take down notes, and the young woman assigned to train me tells me yo copy her old notes as I listen to her working. This is my training. As patients come. Phones calls come. And. Her coworkers ask her for favors. We're jumping around from subject to subject. I can barely pick up anything. This woman is trying her hardest to get us on to one thing, but she's working multiple angles, with a new coworker.
During our training, a third and fourth issue arise. During a moment of silence, as I copy down more notes, I decide to ask my coworker some questions: what do you like about your job? What is the least favorite thing about your job? New boss checks in again. Suddenly, it hits me… I'm never told about when I'm paid, or what holidays I get off. Since new boss is there, she's eager to tell me. Well, she wants to. But, only my trainer knows. My boss is asking her what days we get off, about how pay is done. She happens to mention that there are office days we have when we're off, but the office will not pay for them. It automatically comes out of PTO. The boss laughs. Coworker is nervous, and a patient comes up. I look at my notes. I have a lot to learn.
When we're finally alone again, the final, aforementioned problem is clear: coworker tells me about the schedule. The schedule, that when mentioned in the ad, read a clear Monday through Thursday, 8:30 to 17:30, Friday, 8:30 to 14:00. She states that they're short three people who recently left. Ever since then, the thirty minimum call log for the day extends things out. Also, with the oast patients of the day, I'll get out around 18:30… which, if that was told to me beforehand, I wouldn't have taken the job. My transport works with me to get me to and from work. And, it takes nearly 30 to 45 minutes on a good day to get home. I'm suddenly annoyed.
This carries over into my coworker going to the bathroom. My new boss pops in. “Hey, OP. Voice-mail logs are crazy. Can you please call people back?”
“Sure, but how do I access that?”
She looks at me like I'm crazy. When my trainer gets back, she tells her to get me setup with emails for voice-mail. I can write them down as a message and delete them once I write them down. Afterward, I can call everyone back. Boss tells trainer to have me do this before I leave for lunch. During that time, I'm told I should t be deleting voice-mail, and don't I know what a “read” voice-mail looks like? I'm dumbfounded. I'm asked why I haven't gone to lunch. It's 12:13… I say I'm told I need to finish voice-mails before I can think about lunch. Trainer tells me go to lunch. I fold.
Before I go outside, I tell Boss there's an issue with my schedule. That I've never been told I'm leaving an hour later. She says she needs to speak with the Admin about this. We part, and I work my way through the literal maze that is one, square-shaped building that is broken up into two rectangles of office doors and hallways. I eventually find the backdoor.
I'm alone outside for 45 minutes… there's no picnic bench. I sit there, wondering what crazy stuff will happen after lunch. I wonder who is caring for my old job. Probably no one. Before I know it, it's 13:00. I go inside, but before getting to my counter, I drop by the Admin's office and tell her what's up with the schedule. She says we all need to talk, and she knows I left my other job for her office. But, we need to chat.
Getting back to the counter, I see new Boss. She asks me why I deleted voice-mails. I tell her it was what I was told to do, and I was to call these people back. She says, “OP, don't do that. It's not protocol- but you're not in trouble!! Also, when can we learn about calling those Wellness calls? We don't generally leave until they're finished!!”
Thank God my trainer got back. Unfortunately, I'm called to a Conference Room by the Admin moments later. Trainer tells me we'll learn more when I get back. I nod.
Admin is waiting with the ARNP. Admin tells me to take a seat anywhere. Due to being frazzled earlier, I blurt out “Is here okay?” She stares, deadpan, and tells me, again, “Sit anywhere.”
The door closes.
“OP, I hear you have a problem with our schedule?”
“Yes, ARNP. When I had my meeting with you, I was under the impression that I get out at the times specified on the ad you contacted me through.”
“No? I never told you that. You leave when the last patient leaves.”
“You never told me this during our interview. You told me that medical staff leaves later, and that front office staff leaves at 17:30. Intold you I had transport set up, as I don't drive.”
“No. No I did not, OP. MOST DAYS, we leave on time.” She pauses. “OP. I don't think you're a good fit for this practice.”
My heart sinks. I left my other job. I gave them two weeks notice. For this.
“Okay. I understand.”
“Since you don't drive, you can finish out your day until your ride gets you.”
I'm instantly bitter. I'm boiling, and outwardly, I guess I just visually shut down.
“No. I won't waste Trainer's time in training someone leaving later.” Like fuck I'm doing phone calls for doctors I don't know how to schedule for, with a system I was taught nearly nothing about in three hours I sat there…
Three hours.
I gave up a stable year and a half of work, for three hours of that.
I'm so mad at myself, but I wished they'd been transparent. Otherwise, I'd have not taken the job.