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Antiwork

The time I quit a job by phoning in on the start of a boozy night out to say that I had just shit myself

This was a “zero hours” (minimum 4 hours per week) part time job straight out of university (I’m from the U.K. for some context) in a shop called sports direct, basically a sports wear shop that mostly sells trainers and some other tracksuits etc. I’ve just applied for and “got” the job alongside 15 other people, this kind of business is one that has a huge turnover of employees like myself at the time, people fresh out of education and needing something to get by, the turnover is so high also because the job itself is awful, you have to work in a shop heaving with shoppers who are all snapping at you to get things they want, from start of the shift till the end, you never stop being balls to the wall busy To make matters worse the “management” consists solely of people who were like you a…


This was a “zero hours” (minimum 4 hours per week) part time job straight out of university (I’m from the U.K. for some context) in a shop called sports direct, basically a sports wear shop that mostly sells trainers and some other tracksuits etc.

I’ve just applied for and “got” the job alongside 15 other people, this kind of business is one that has a huge turnover of employees like myself at the time, people fresh out of education and needing something to get by, the turnover is so high also because the job itself is awful, you have to work in a shop heaving with shoppers who are all snapping at you to get things they want, from start of the shift till the end, you never stop being balls to the wall busy

To make matters worse the “management” consists solely of people who were like you a year or so ago and stuck it out for whatever god forsaken reason and naturally moved a step up the ladder to being a supervisor, this in turn then means these people aren’t exactly always cut out to supervise a toddler, never mind a small building full of thousands of people

So to the story, I get the job and do a few shifts at the place, as stated above it’s not great but at-least it pays a wage, so I keep my head down and get on with it, I go through my training and find out that most of the management are egoistical, racist assholes, I quote “I was sat on a bus nest to one of those ones with a rag on their head, I just kept thinking they are going to explode!” So yeah already off to a good start.

The fact I’m zero hours actually worked out for me because shifts were plentiful and I needed to keep the odd day free so I could train to work in the field I actually wanted to do which was working in TV, they always expected you to take a shift here and there but mostly you could decide when you wanted to work, I ALWAYS made it known that there may be literally a single day here and there that I couldn’t do and was told it was fine and not to worry, queue me getting a day on a TV set, one of the first ever for me and and being absolutely made up!

I told the management at the sports shop weeks in advanced that there was one Saturday that I absolutely couldn’t do and was told “yeah great just let xxxx supervisor know as well and it’ll be fine” it comes to the week of the shoot and the rota’s come out and what would you know, literally the only shift they had me doing that week, was the one day I said I couldn’t do, literally weeks in advance, I was obviously confused and assumed it was just an error

I approach my supervisor and point out the error to him only to be told “yeah sorry we need all hands on deck for that day because it’s a busy day!” I silently finished my shift and went home

Angry but not knowing what to do, my mates invited me out for a drink a few days before the tv shoot and I went with, still having it play in the back of my mind of how I was going to get out of the shift, I had a few beers and something just snapped and before I knew it, I was outside a pub front on the phone to my supervisor without even a slightest hint of a plan

Supervisor answers and this is how it went

Me – “Hi xxxx I’m really sorry but I just can’t make that shift on xxxx” (clearly can hear loud music and chatting on my end of the phone)

Supervisor – “And why’s that? You know we need all hands on deck for that day”

Me, after a good 5 second pause where I’m thinking – “I’ve uhhhhhhh just had a terrible stomach recently and, ohhhh…. Omg….. I think I’ve just literally shit myself, oh my god I have to go, I’m so sorry I’ll ring you back when I can!”

And that was that, phone down and I never rang them back, I essentially quit there and then, I heard nothing back from the shop, I imagine because of how obviously drunk I was and clearly out at a pub but yeah, had to avoid walking passed that shop for years afterwards for fear of the shameful looks of definitely have gotten from my “work colleagues” that were obviously told what happened

That was around 12 years ago now and I still remember it fondly to this day

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