So this is it guys and girls. Iv finally gotten to a point where I'm joining this movement in the way I feel like I can. This is a long time coming for me but it took that time to realize what I needed to do. Let me explain.
Some background. My wife and I make a decent amount of money for our region. We snagged a house on foreclosure years ago that would have normally been way out of our price range. We don't live outside of our means and are smart with cash we do have. I work in IT and have 10 years of experience just in this field. I am the only person in my organization who does or can do what I do. Even my supervisor who has an additional 20 years experience on top of mine cant do all the things I do here. It sounds like Im flexing because I am. I've worked hard to be irreplaceable (at least in my eyes) and the best at what I can do. I was raised with the notion that if I work hard, my efforts would be rewarded.
As you probably already know, this has turned into a lie for our generation and I'm severely underpaid for as much as I have on my plate. I've asked for a raises every year just to keep up with the cost of living but I just kept getting told there was no money in the budget. I always just took that at face value and accepted it as is. Finally 3 years ago when I brought up my salary to my manager I was met with the cold and curt answer of “u/Kriseth, you will never get a raise here unless you quit and come back to negotiate a higher salary“. I was floored. I didn't know what else to say so I just swallowed that and left to go back to my office.
Well needless to say I got pissed. I had been killing myself for years trying to stay on top of everything with the idea, no the hope, that I would be rewarded for my constant efforts. My home life was suffering. My mental health was deteriorating. I eventually just said im done and its time to start looking for a new place of employment because lets be honest, that's all I knew to do. So I started to apply to every place I could find that needed an IT position filled. I was getting offers for entry level techs and basic support but nothing at my level of experience (our region is a little IT dry most of the time except for retirement season) but I kept at it. I was determined that the grass was going to be greener. Then right in the middle of this the pandemic hit and everything came to a grinding halt. No one was hiring. Posted positions were simply removed. Open positions were left open with no time frame of when they would be filled. I felt hopeless. Lost.
Well, my workplace decided to introduce WFH. It was resisted really hard by most of upper management but ultimately they didn't want to look bad in the public eye so they “graciously allowed it”.
It.
Was.
Glorious!
It was if my eyes had seen light for the first time in years. I was happy to wake up on Mondays again. I was glad to log into my computer and remote into work. I could open my window in my office and hear birds singing. My pets were always there when I needed a pick me up. I could just walk down stairs and get a snack. My wife was commenting on how happy I was for the first time in a while. I was able to stay on top of the chores and…well…I think you get the picture. Its the same for everyone it seams on this subreddit. It was just better. I was able to do the daily grind without the existential dread seeping into my mind and taking me into dark places.
And then it happened. My wife gave birth to our first child. A perfect, healthy, somewhat grumpy, baby girl. I was in love. Unfortunately, my employer ended the WFH a lowly 6 months after instating it. They didn't like the facilities being empty they said. So I had to leave my wife and brand new baby. Over the following year the only thing that kept me sane was coming home to that kid. Holding her and later playing with her when she got to be more mobile has been my saving grace. Since we had no family living close by we had to put her in daycare as soon as my wife's maternity leave was over. It killed us but we had no other choice. And since those places are petri dishes she was sick all the time. I was constantly having to take off time from work to care for her. It wasn't all bad though. Since I had worked so hard all those years I had an impressive amount of sick and vacation time saved up and I was able to fall into a role my daughter and wife needed from me. And I loved it. I was able to spend time with my daughter that I would have otherwise had to give to my employer. And I was getting paid during it all.
Well fast forward a bit and we are expecting my second girl in a few months. However the daycare situation deteriorated to the point that they are having issues keeping their doors open. I wont go into that whole fiasco but the short of it is they have all new staff and all the kids that go their just aren't happy anymore. Although we have already signed up our second daughter with the same daycare we just simply don't feel like its the right choice for our children anymore. Alternative daycares are slim and waiting lists are a real PITA. My wife and I were beginning to feel like our backs were against a wall.
Well during all of this ive been lurking in this subreddit. Reading about all these people quitting and it just how wonderful it felt. It was cathartic to read. Like I was able to vicariously find an escape from my situation just for a moment because I knew I could never quit. I could never quit my job. I haven't been unemployed since I was 14 years old. I didn't know how to survive outside of work. All I have ever known was work. Besides, I had to work to provide for my family. They needed me.
Only, the truth was, they didn't.
Just before the pandemic my wife had completed her masters degree and was able to land a well deserved promotion with a significant pay increase that rendered my income essentially redundant. Honestly we never even considered this before because we are both workaholics. We were sitting down trying to come up with some plan. Seeing if my mother could move in with us for a while till we could get both of the girls into a new daycare. Seeing if we could alternate taking time off to care for the children. Nothing was really a solution. My wife then made a comment about if our roles were reversed, she would just quit and take care of them until we could find a new daycare that could take them both.
I just froze. I had to ask her to repeat what she said. It was a real light bulb moment for me. I have been so locked into this role as a provider that I never realized that my wife was actually the main breadwinner of the home now. So we sat down and did the math to make sure. Everything seemed to be fine. I think we ran the numbers seventeen more ways just to make sure. In every situation we would be fine. Actually considering how much we were paying in child care, we would actually be breaking even. So at that moment we had our solution. I would stay home and care for the girls until we could get them both into a reliable daycare.
So that's it. Two weeks before my wife's maternity leave ends ill put in my notice. I would love nothing more than to light this bridge on fire and watch it burn with a bag of marshmallows but at the behest of my wife, I decided this bridge is best left unburnt at this time. I figured the amount of chaos that will ensue when I leave will be reward enough. I know all the things that are coming down the line. All the projects that I am both lead and support for. I've tried for years to get them to hire a secondary. To let me train somebody to at least know where the skeletons are located. They just seemed overall uninterested. Well, I wonder how uninterested they will be when I hand them my notice. Honestly, I'm not expecting much of a reaction at the time. I suspect that they will realize far to late all that I actually do. And that's ok. I look forward to those calls. I will happily ignore them while I'm playing peekaboo with my new baby girl, reading books to my toddler and cooking dinner for my hard working wife who has ultimately made this possible.
Maybe when its all said and done, Ill come back and update you guys if there is any interest in this. All I know is that I would have never really considered this path a possibility had it not been for this subreddit.
Thanks for reading,